Montana Lizzie: City Living in a Mountain Town

Dry Weddings

2009-05-19T12:25:00.004-06:00

As my cousin so eloquently put it, there are some things that just shouldn't be dry, including weddings, first dates and pool parties. Truer words were never spoken.

This last weekend was spent in my parent’s hometown of Condon, OR, to attend my cousin Earl’s wedding. His wedding with no booze. That’s right, a dry wedding. I truly believe there is alcohol at weddings for a reason and this one was no exception. Because there were enough little nuggets of goodness to fill four blog posts, I will try to point out just the big highlights:

1. The bridesmaid dresses were forest green with lace shawls. They were all wearing black cowboy boots with them
2. The woman playing the organ had the piano skills of a three year old
3. A woman got up in the middle of the ceremony and surprised the couple with her own rendition of "A Moment Like This," by Kelly Clarkson
4. When they kissed, motorcycle revving was playing in the background
5. They walked out to "International Harvester"
6. The bouquets were made out of wheat from our family wheat farm
7. They drove away in a combine
8. I broke a plastic chair and fell on my ass when SURROUNDED by people over 300 pounds. Of course it's my chair to go...

And there so much more, like a spam carving contest and old ladies letting people sign their boobs and me passing out in the car and my parents leaving me there. Really, just a quality, quality weekend.

And yes, all of that really happened. I’m still in awe.

Big hats make me happy

2009-05-19T12:18:00.002-06:00

So I know I said I was going to restart the blog… but then I didn’t… but now I’m back! And with fun stories and everything. First up, the Kentucky Derby.

One of my clients when I worked in Seattle was based in Lexington, Kentucky and I learned quite a bit about the Kentucky Derby from those girls: everything needs to be big. Big hats, big hair, big boobs (if you’ve got them. I don’t). And I LOVE big hats and big hair and big boobs. So when I was invited to a Kentucky Derby this year to benefit Oregon Active, I jumped at the chance.

The day started out with mimosas (okay, just champagne) with the girls at 8:30am and snowballed into mint juleps and vodka sodas by 2pm. There were some amazing hats that were clearly crafted by very creative women. A guy friend of mine was there in a plaid blazer, pink chinos, green boat shoes and a pink tie. Everyone really went all out and it couldn’t have been more fun. I FULLY recommend everyone throw one of these parties every year if for nothing else than the fun of dressing up.

I see many a theme party in my future…

I’m back! From outer space! (*aka the blog for Elissa)

2009-04-29T13:24:00.001-06:00

So I don’t know if anyone reads this anymore. You know, since I stopped writing when I had NOTHING to say anymore. Because I was unemployed. And boring. And sad.

But now, how the tides have turned! I’m employed! And exciting! And happy! I’m working and traveling and quite possibly taking a pole dancing class (it’s EXERCISE, people!). I’m hanging out with friends and having wacky vacations. Really, anything could happen. May promises some big weekends including, but not limited to: a Kentucky Derby party (my hat is glorious), a Condon wedding (a DRY Condon wedding at that…), my long-awaited return to Missoula (where the Cougar Club will be reunited), and a 30th wedding anniversary party in La Grande, OR.

They all should provide quite the party (first for me and then for your reading pleasure). I only wish I’d already finished those pole dancing classes…

Rugrats

2009-01-26T20:29:00.002-07:00

So I don't want kids. Have I ever brought this up? I taught swimming lessons for 8 years and studied to be a teacher in college. I have a major in English with minors in Education and Psychology. I was student teaching my senior year and about three weeks before graduation, I walked into my class room and the hate for every one of those kids ran so deep, I turned around, walked out and never looked back.

I thought the hate would go away but it only grew for the next couple years. My sister said she knew it was really serious when I threatened to stick my arm out and clothesline a little girl who was running up and down the aisle of a plane we were on. My anger and general dislike was now bordering on violence...

But last night I went to dinner with the family I used to babysit for in high school. They have three kids: two girls and a boy. And they are the best children known to man. Incredibly intelligent, hilarious, well-rounded, sweet and well behaved. All the time! They are all adorable and talented and a true joy to be around. They respect their parents, get good grades and play every sport you can think of. I think if this family teamed up with my do-gooding sister and her environment-loving boyfriend they could collectively bring about world peace. While I watched from the couch with a glass of wine...

So thank you, Lances, for renewing my hope that I won't want to give away my own children as soon as they've left the womb. But, be warned: I'm still not having more than one...

New President = Drinking on a Tuesday

2009-01-20T19:06:00.002-07:00

Yay for America! Finally a new President. I remember when Bush was first elected and we were all watching the results on the big TV in the basement of my sorority. I hadn't voted (even though I was 18) and another one of my "sisters" led our school's Young Democrats group. She was sobbing and screaming about how Bush was going to take away our birth control. That little exaggeration definitely had me wishing I'd voted...

Even though we still have our birth control, we had a lot of other important things taken away from us. Mainly our confidence in and respect for our country's leadership. I had a lot of friends and family in DC and my favorote stat from today was that there were over one and a half million people gathered to watch Obama speak and that there had not been ONE arrest. If that doesn't give you hope for the future peace of our nation, I don't know what will.

So, to celebrate this historic day I'm forcing one of my friends with a "flexible" job to hot the town with me. Now I just need to find bars with Obama-themed drinks so I can literally drink in his awesomeness. Too much? Nahhhhh....

God bless America. And Hugh Grant.

2009-01-15T12:25:00.006-07:00

From the first time he asked me if I'd "go out" with him, I knew he'd be my first kiss. Granted, I literally sprinted away from him in fear and locked myself in a bathroom (true story), but that was because I was nervous and I liked him. That's right, Eric Wilson. If you're stalking me out there in the wide blogosphere, in fourth grade I thought you would be my first kiss. Maybe it was the fact that you gave me a pencil eraser shaped like a dinosaur. Or that you hoarded up all your delicious flouride tablets to share with me. Or that you had tremendous roller skating skills. Whatever the reason, you were most definitely my grade school / middle school crush.

But after you chased me on your bike and I left you standing outside the bathroom waiting for a yes or a no, it was never the same with us. So, dreams dashed, I had to look elsewhere for my first kiss...

Two years later, at horse camp at Camp Collins, I met him. Simon. Tall, skinny, luxurious Hugh Grant-ish floppy blonde hair. Clear skin and a different Hypercolor shirt every day. With my awesome puffy new hairdo, skinny legs and oversized puff paint t-shirts we were a match made in heaven. We shared a love of anything the color forest green, extrememly light colored jeans, cheesy rolls and singing the song, "Yesterday" by the Beatles at campfire. Our cabinmates passed notes for us for an entire week and, finally, it was decided. First, we would sit next to eachother at campfire and HOLD HANDS (gasp!). The next day - our last day at camp - we would meet before flag and, while everyone was watching, kiss.

I don't remember much. I remember that he was wearing a purple t-shirt and Adidas flip flops. I believe I was wearing jean shorts and a dark tank-top. So you can all have a nice visual, this was me in 6th grade:

Obviously not much has changed. We walked slowly towards eachother, said hi, and he leaned in and kissed me. No hands, no body touching, just lips. There was yelling and clapping, I heard the National Anthem blaring from the flag pole and then, like that, it was over. I lined up with my cabin, watched his cabinmates high five him and walked into the cafeteria to load up on cheesy rolls.

I now associate kissing with applause, cheese and my love of America. It just really doesn't get much better than that...

Elastic Pants and Days of Our Lives

2009-01-13T18:05:00.002-07:00

Today, I had a classic unemployment converstation via IM with my friend A. This is just ONE example of the ways my life is slowly evolving:

A: Leaving work now--i'll probably be over at 6. Sound good?

L: Sounds perfect. I'm in spandex and no bra. FYI. Might put a bra on before my dad gets home. MAYBE.

A: I love it. I'll wear a bra :).

L: Thanks - my Dad will really appreciate it.

Is the constant wearing of elastic pants and watching WAY too much daytime TV sad? No, my friends, no. IT'S AMAZING.

I am officially a nerd

2009-01-13T15:15:00.002-07:00

So over the course of the last few days, I've been called out as a nerd by several different people. My nerdy offenses are as follows:

1. I am listening to the last Harry Potter book, The Deathly Hallows, on book on CD in my car. I tend to get where I'm going and sit in the car for a while to listen to more of it.

My response: It's HARRY POTTER! I'm shocked it's taken me this long to get to it! I mean, does he die? Is Dumbledore still alive? Does he reconcile with Ginny?? So many questions to be answered! And what else am I doing with my day? NOTHING.

2. I interviewed at a PR firm that specializes in 3D gaming, animation and visualization and got SUPER EXCITED.

My response: Come on, people. I would get to go to tradeshows like CES! And Siggraph! And work with editors from VFX World! If that isn't everyone's dream job, I don't know what is. Side note: My friend K just went to CES and stood 10 feet away from Travis Barker and DJAM at a CES party. And got Travis Barker's drumstick. Not so nerdy NOW, is it??

3. I would prefer to see the foreign vampire movie, "Let the Right One In" to Anne Hathaway and Kate Hudson's, "Bride Wars."

My response: At this rate I'm closer to becoming a vampire than I am to getting married. Enough said.

Christmas keeps going!

2009-01-11T14:43:00.003-07:00

So a while ago I joined this online community called 20 Something Bloggers. It's a great place to find new and interesting blogs and connect new people to your own. So I signed up for the 20SB Secret Santa. We got paired up with other bloggers and send one another gifts. I sent JD the hilarious book, Chuck Norris: 400 Facts About the World's Greatest Human. It had Paige in tears for a week before I sent it. But with all the moving and weather and holidays, I JUST received my gift from my Secret Santa. And it's awesome. I got the new header for my blog (extremely cool since I'm so technologically stunted), an adorable snowman window scraper, a Christmas tree candle, and a cute book. All from the Dutchess of Kickball. So thank you, thank you!

Now, if Santa would just deliver me a JOB, that would be greeeaaaatttt...

$34.99 might not be worth it

2009-01-07T17:55:00.002-07:00

So in my quest to rid myself of 8 months worth of Montana-style drinking, I've joined a gym. I usually try to find the nice gym in town so it makes me want to go. Now that I have to watch my money, spending $125 a month on a "club" vs a "gym" didn't seem like the smartest decision.

So I joined Bally's. I have always avoided the Bally's/24 Hour Fitness/Golds Gym's of the world because they just seem so sleazy. And the men are always too muscular and tan with cropped hair and bicep tattoos. I hate the way they're always going to refill their water/protein powder/steroid conconctions and then taking 20 minute breaks between sets. And the women all have fake boobs and wear really tight pants and don't put their hair up in a ponytail. Who wants sweaty hair? And a sweaty back?

And then there's the smell. You know what I'm talking about. Like a mix between Wal-Mart and a rollerskating rink. If both of those were packed with sweaty people.

The gym I joined has a normal sleazy section and then it also has a "women's only" section. I was fascinated. All the same machines and weights, but no men. And since the tan, boobied women tend to stay on the sleazy side to attract the sleaveless shirted, no-neck men, the "women's only" side is full of slighty overweight to full-on obese older women.

So I'm torn here... which side do I go to?? Do I stay on the women's only side until I save up enough money for a boob job? Or do I brave the judgemental d-bags on the sleazy side in order to save myself the shame of being one of the "older crowd?"

Decisions, decisions... Meh, I'll probably just stop going to the gym.

The official 2009 post

2009-01-06T15:25:00.011-07:00

Welcome 2009! I know I've been ridiculous about the blogging, but I have an excuse: I was busy. Whhaaaaa? Busy over the holidays you say? Yes, that's correct. Here's what I've been busy with since I last posted:

Tricking my parents, driving with a friend's family and showing up in Portland after all my flights were cancelled and I thought I'd be spending Christmas alone in Montana. Surprise!
Drinking copious amounts of booze.
Celebrating Christmas with my HS friends by attending the annual cocktail party and the annual Christmas Sweater brunch:

Shopping even though I don't currently make any money (see above shirt).
Noticing that although Portland has some attractive men, they all wear pants that are too tight. Fine, maybe my pants are too tight right now, too, but I'm hoping my suffocated legs aren't screaming, "gaaaayyyyyyy!" like theirs are.
Finishing a bottle of Patron with my cousin at a family dinner party:

Drinking my first official fishbowl and watching my cousin try to order one without ice:

B: "I want a Long Island fishbowl without ice."

Waitress: "Without ice? Like you want more juice?"

B: "No, not more juice. Less ice."

Waitress: "So you want more booze."

B: "Yes, and no ice."

Waitress: "I can't do that. It's illegal."

B: "That's crap. Just do it."

I love drinking with family...

Spending NYE with high school friends, my friend Christy from Missoula and my friend E and her sister at our friend's, "The Future's So Bright You Gotta Wear Shades" party. After looking around at the complete LACK of single and attractive men, I was heard screaming across the party for my friend Christy so I could hug her into 2009. If you don't kiss someone on NYE is that bad luck?

Forcing all my friends to watch the most underrated movie of 2008: "Stepbrothers." WONDERFUL.
Awkwardly quoting from a movie no one has seen, making me sound crazy: "Dragon, I forgot to ask you: do you like guacamole?" Yaaaaa.
Flying back to Missoula and immediately rallying for a Goodbye Bar Crawl. My friends sent me out in STYLE. More to come on that.
Packing, moving and cleaning in 12 hours. And hungover.
Enduring a MISERABLE and horrifying drive home with my father. The weather couldn't have been worse. My parents were mocking me for putting studded tires on the Jetta and now I hear nothing. Damn straight.

And now I'm back in Portland! And contracting! And interviewing! And generally living in a weird dream trance. I have to stay in this weird dream trance because I'm 28 and living with my parents. No normal person could deal without that without vodka, pills and a constant state of denial.

Happy New Year all!

The Anti-Christmas Letter

2008-12-27T14:00:00.002-07:00

For the last four years or so, my dad has written a Christmas letter to go along with our family Christmas card. He got tired of hearing about how perfect everyone's lives were in their Christmas letters, so every year he takes the opportunity to glorify the family pets and make fun of his children. This year he took the opportunity to out my being unemployed to all our friends and family. Here's his 2008 version. Enjoy:

THE CHRONICLES: “Tony Arriveth”

A big thing happened this year. Yes, indeed! Oh, the human family members have done passably well this past year: no arrests, one tattoo, piercings holding steady—more about all of that later. However, as I’m sure you each recall vividly, our cherished miniature Schnauzer, Cleo, passed away in Dec. 2007. Obviously, we have suffered much greater human loss, but we loved that little Devil. So we got Tony: as in Tony Bennett. Anthony: as in Antony and Cleopatra. Pretty clever, eh. Tony is a miniature Schnauzer as well, but with a pleasant disposition. Who knew they came in that flavor.

This Season’s Greeting letter should conclude right here. The highlight of the year has been revealed. It’s all downhill now. But, Gloria won’t “Let It Be”, so (in alphabetical order):

Kimberly: As part of the two-headed “kimybrian”, Kimberly traveled to Peru and Bolivia in the winter-spring of ’08. She volunteered with a non-profit (what else), teaching Spanish and English, and generally improving the world. The Brian part of “kimybrian” pushed Kimberly to high altitudes in Bolivia (no drug jokes), optically deceiving salt flats, and other cold places that made for great pictures and adventure. He also undertook humanitarian work. Unlike my band, The Beatles, “kimybrian” play on. NEWS FLASH: Kimberly accepted a for profit job in Dec. ’08. She is paid (a little) and receives benefits. She is a sell-out, but her parents are prideful!

Lizzie: Elizabeth embraced adventure, wilderness, and a return to the Bennett roots. She rented her house, loaded up the truck and moved to Missoula, MT. Montana that is: outdoor streams, cowboys and Griz football. It was a good experience. Then, the economic collapse: the company went from 16 employees to five by Thanksgiving. In early December, it went to four employees: the two owners and two others. Lizzie went to the front of the soup line. Welcome home, Lizzie! As part of my on-going plot to acquire Jackson, the team’s star Pembroke Welsh Corgi, Elizabeth has been encouraged to join the Peace Corps (I feel like George Steinbrenner). A posting to Africa would be nice. We shall see.

Will: Remember turning 21, drinking too much, getting a tattoo, and guiding white-water rafting trips? Me neither. But, Will has added this line-up to his growing resume. Youthful exuberance—what more can we say. Will is still a collegian at the U of W. Nursing is his idea for future employment, probably an idea generated by observation of his parents’ degenerating condition.

John, Gloria and Jose: Life’s good. Our friends keep plugging along with us, and we manage a little leisure here and there. Jose has been stockpiling kitty kibble since the financial collapse, but I think it is an over-reaction. He could afford to lose a couple of pounds anyway. In sum, we go to bed earlier and remember less, but we are happy to be sending out this letter. Merry Christmas!

Home for the Holidays

2008-12-25T19:12:00.004-07:00

Merry Christmas!! So I finally made it back to Portland. My flights were all cancelled due to weather on the 22nd and I wasn't going to be able to get another one until December 26th, which obviously defeats the purpose of coming home for Christmas... but the parents of some of my good friends were nice enough to clear space for me in their car and offered Jackson and me a ride to Portland. Yes!!

Eleven harrowing hours later (it actually wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be), a bout of car sickness, a burger at the famous Husdon's in Coueur d' Alene and a few stops for the dogs, I surprised my parents with the best gift of all: ME. Unfortunately, my sister got stuck in Chicago with her boyfriend and his family, but she'll be back tomorrow and I'l sure we'll do Christmas all over again.

Regardless, my Christmas Eve consisted of the following:

Cooking Prime Rib with my mom, dad and brother
Drinking lots of champagne
Opening a bottle of French red wine my dad was given when my brother was born (21 years ago)

Opening another bottle of red wine because that one just wasn't...quite...right...
Talking about politics, religion, homosexuality, marriage and whether or not I should sell my eggs to make money
Making a fire and drinking hot chocolate with 100 proof peppermint schnapps
Watching WALL-E and tearing up at least 10 times
Watching my tipsy father fall over trying to let the cat in the house

Classic Bennett Christmas.

I hope everyone had a wonderful day with their families and friends. Can't wait to see what the New Year brings! Happy, happy Holidays from Jackson and Lizzie.

Son of a B*TCH!

2008-12-22T21:38:00.004-07:00

Soooo... I'm currently trying to get home to Portland for Christmas. Not going to happen, apparently, since Portland is seeing the most snow it's had for 40 years. But this layover afforded me the opportunity to go to a Missoula yearly ritual: the Annual Mo Club (where I met Bill Clinton) Christmas Party. You buy a drink and you get a arms length of tickets. Throughout the night they offer up amazing baskets full of booze. Who doesn't love baskets full of booze??

So our group obviously gathered a large amount of tickets. At least 10 baskets went by without us winning when one came up: 17386. We were 17387. Of course, I screamed out (much too loudly): SON OF A B*TCH!!! Well, three baskets after that, we WON!! And this is what was included in the basket:

One stuffed teddy bear

Black Velvet Canadian Whiskey

A Ranier Beer Gold Towel

A fifth of Ruppelminze

A liter of Jamieson whiskey

Travel size Black Velvet

A candy cane full of M&Ms

Travel size of Gordon's Vodka

A liter of Seagrams 7

A liter of Evan Willaims Kentucky Bourbon

Travel sive Mr. Boston Peppermint Schnapps

Montana Griz Nike baseball hat

Last, but not least, a liter of Jose Cuervo

And it all came in a huge Dasani beverage cooler:

Two notable things happened after this:

1. We had an adorable boy offer to scrape off our windshield. Um, okay... go right ahead.

2. We watched "A Walk in the Clouds" and Paige made this comment about the movie: "It's a glorious life... he's old, he has limitless alcohol, he has a band, a mexican poncho and stirs up trouble. What could be better?

So true, Paige. So true. These are the moments that make me sad to leave Missoula...

Wooowwwww

2008-12-21T21:58:00.003-07:00

I think I just pulled a muscle in my shoulder blowdrying my hair. It's obviously time to start working out again.

And, as a reminder to myself, working out does not mean lifting a very heavy glass (or, you know, bottle) of wine to my mouth.

Not so Christmasy dream

2008-12-21T17:53:00.002-07:00

So the Griz got their asses handed to them by the Richmond Spiders in the championship game on Friday. Very sad...Montanans are obviously upset. Anyway, I'm assuming the fact that we played the Spiders (what a stupid mascot BTW) is what put spiders in my my mind in the first place, but that night I had a HORRIBLE spider dream. I hate spiders anyway, but this was truly disturbing. I was in the basement apartment in my house and there were little spiders EVERYWHERE, crawling on me and up the walls. But the worst part was this disgusting spider sack hanging from the ceiling. There was a enormous black widow and some other kind of spider in it. And I couldn't leave the room because it was hanging in the stairwell and I was scared it would drop on me if I tried to leave.

Sorry, that was rambling, but my brain is in a weird place these days. I'm officially moving back to Portland on January 4th so I've been packing the house. I HATE packing. But my biggest concern right now, is what am I going to call the blog?? I can't be Montana Lizzie if I don't live in Montana! Anyone have any suggestions?

Happy Happy Joy Joy

2008-12-17T14:08:00.003-07:00

It has been requested that I write a blog post that DOESN'T depress people. Whhhaaaattttt? What with divorce, job searching, health issues, and an impending move in negative 25 degree weather, it's almost impossible. But I do have one constant in my life that always brings me joy... Jackson. He has had quite a time playing in all the snow we currently have, so watch and enjoy:

Putting things in perspective

2008-12-16T21:36:00.002-07:00

So I went out with this guy a friend of mine set me up with a few times in 2007. Nothing serious, a few dates and it just dwindled away.

I just found out he died of heart failure in May of 2007. Unemployment and divorce don't seem so bad anymore. Hug everyone you love.

Two Sad Sacks

2008-12-11T21:01:00.005-07:00

So my best friend is getting divorced. And living with me. Which means all of our combined saddness meshes together every night to equal one huge ball of ridiculous. We've taken on separate roles. She works, makes money and goes to counseling. I stay home, watch TV and cook. Together, it's a peaceful harmony. Tonight, I cooked us a delicious meal of cheddar and potato soup and garlic bread. I asked Paige (aka my husband) to pick up some champagne on the way home. It became glaringly clear that we were meant to be together when Paige was faced with the difficult decision of whether to buy the $4, $5, $6 or $32 bottle of champagne and, just like I would have, she walked in the door with the bottle of $6 Cooks. Not horrible, not great.

Just Cooks.

Paige, constantly trying to deny our alcholism, only brought home one bottle. So, after we ate and the bottle was gone, we decide to head to the gas station to get a few more. On our way back into the house, Paige turns to me with a bottle of Cooks in each hand and says, "you know when you're unemployed and getting a divorce when..."

So here's our list:

10. You downgrade from Frexinet to Cooks
9. You start to think something called "Island Lime Tequila" is a more economical way to drink than just buying tequila and limes.
8. You hold your dog a little too tight at night (and get jealous when he tries to sleep with your new roommate).
7. Your big dining experience for the week consists of meeting at the Triple Dragon chinese restaurant (that's connected to the Red Lion Inn) for the "Happy Times Lunch Special."
6. You run out of dog food and consider feeding your dog stale cereal.
5. You get a little too emotionally involved in the TLC show, Jon & Kate + 8.
4. To keep yourself occupied during the day, you're currently reading two stellar novels: The Truth About Chuck Norris: 400 Facts About the World's Greatest Human, and My Horizontal Life: True Life Tales of One Night Stands.
3. You move in with your unemployed best friend while she's out of town, microwave some seriously sketchy shrimp, decide english muffins and Coca Cola Cherry Zero are the only safe way to go, and still don't pay rent.
2. You have honest conversations about selling drugs and whether or not you could feasibly lose enough weight to become strippers.
1. You call eachother every hour, on the hour, just to make sure the other one is in a stable state of mind (aka suicide watch).

Good times, people. Good times:

Too Tall to Date

2008-12-11T16:28:00.005-07:00

So I was recently told that I was "too tall to date." I'm almost 5'11'' and LOVE being this tall. I've always had tall friends, so I've never given a second thought to putting on an awesome pair of 4" heels and just OWNING the tallness.

So when some douchey little - and I do mean little - architect man tells me I'm too tall to date when I am looking AMAZING, I decided to say a big f you him and went in the exact opposite direction. Which is what led to these:

5" heels. I thought I could handle them. I can't. I wore them last night and was holding onto tables in order to walk to the bathroom. If I hadn't had friends to hold my hand while I was walking down the stairs, who knows where I'd be today.

Don't get me wrong - the outfit was awesome and the shoes are glorious. But I don't think being unemployed is the best time to break an ankle and end up on the emergency room.

On the bright side, Jackson seems to love the shoes:

But Jackson is also loving me being unemployed, so he's not really the best judge...

Job Hunting

2008-12-09T22:09:00.005-07:00

So it can be hard looking for a job. I've never really had to look for a job - they've always kind of fell in my lap. Spoiled much? Maybe. But not anymore. Now I have joined the ranks of the "actively" job searching. And it's fascinating.

I'm 28 and having to consider moving back in with my parents, which makes you really re-think your life. Am I really thinking about moving back in with my parents the same time my 21 year old brother is dropping out of school and moving home? Not okay. So that makes you think about options you never would have considered before.

The awesome thing is I have amazing friends who have offered rooms for me to stay in after my inevitable move back to Portland. But that's almost worse. I am a very experienced and marketable PR professional. And I'm considering living in in E's spare room? It's mildly tempting because I love her and it would be a throw back to the sorority and I could go back to the days of making her uncomfortable by walking naked in front of her and rubbing my boobs on her (see Hooters Is Awesome). But really, is that what I want?

Bottom line is I don't know what I want. Well, really I do: I want to move to Mexico, do marketing for a large hotel, get super skinny and tan and drink tequila and eat guacamole all day, every day.

But that's not likely to happen, is it?

Jackson is punishing me

2008-12-08T22:39:00.009-07:00

So I have the best dog in the world. He encompasses everything that is good in my life and he makes everyone happy:

I had two other Corgis that my ex kept when we broke up, Xena and Sadie. Although I love them to this day, those two dogs almost broke ex and me up WAAAYYYYY before we did it ourselves. Ever want to test whether you're ready to have kids? Get two puppies at the same time. Christ, get ONE puppy. Those two dogs chewed up carpet, ripped up linoleum, ate every piece of underwear I OWNED, chewed up a pen and then walked all over my bone colored pants and weren't potty trained for a YEAR. Try living in an apartment that consistently smells like pee and see if it doesn't test your relationship.

But whatever, we broke up, he took my dogs, and a little piece of me died. No matter how annoying they can be and how many hundreds of dollars you spend relplacing pieces of your wardrobe, dogs are awesome and make life better. So, as soon as I was out of California and settled back in Oregon, I got Jackson. My little sunshine and honestly the best dog ever. He doesn't bark, he only peed in the house twice when he was a puppy, he loves being around people and has never destroyed anything in the house.

Until today.

My world is a little topsy-turvy right now and he must sense it. And not like it. While I was at the gym this afternoon, Jackson got up on the couch, onto the side table, got my VERY EXPENSIVE MOUTH GUARD that I have to wear because of jaw issues (woooowwwwww I sound like a dork) and chewed it to bits. BITS:

And you know what the first thing my mom said was? "Well, Lizzie, you shouldn't have left it out on the table," which is right up there with when my ex used to say, "Well if you'd just put your underwear in the laundry, this wouldn't be an issue." You know what, mom and ex?? Don't want to hear it. I should have normal dogs who aren't grossly attracted to used underwear and a retainer that's been in my mouth all night.

So $2000 later I'll get a new mouth guard. And having Jackson around to chew up the next one is totally worth every penny.

Age aint nothin' but a number

2008-12-05T11:17:00.003-07:00

So this is kind of a follow up to my "I'm a Cougar in Missoula" blog. I don't typically like doing follow up blogs, but I felt I should write this because I think I might need an intervention. A 22-24 year old boy intervention.

Living here has given me unbridled access to young college kids (MAN, that sounds creepy! See why I need the intervention?). It kind of started as a joke and then it started to become kind of real. Like I went out with a 22 year old college SOPHOMORE on more than one date (that is, until he saw me fall through a gate I thought was a railing and land directly on my face... but that's another story). After going out with him, I noticed the guys I was attracted to when we went out were getting younger and younger. Like I considered asking a few of them if they were using fake IDs.

So even after all this, I wasn't really worried. It was all just in good fun. But there have been two new developments that have me worried:

1. My friends are starting to not only accept my cougarness as normal, but are starting to coug out themselves. I mean, one of us prowling around town is dangerous enough. And it was truly eye opening when I found myself being JEALOUS when my friend met and started talking to a 22 year old college kid she met at the U. Whhhhaaaaaaa??

2. My cougar ways have extended outside of Missoula and made their way into my Portland life. A good friend of mine set me up on a date with her boyfriend's best friend, who happens to be 22 and just out of college. He's very attractive, has a job with a future, a good family and seems to be generally normal and not a complete tool (which, let's be clear, really puts him ahead of the game). After some champagne he asked me if I thought us dating could work out and I said maybe, if he could get over me being 6 years older. Then he said something that really made me think: "Really? I thought it would have to be you getting over the fact that I was 22." Huh. Yes, that makes sense. I've become so concerned with how OLD I am, I'm forgetting how YOUNG they are.

And as the veil lifted, I realized I was sitting in a stark white and dirty beige apartment on a seriously gross couch, staring at walls covered in college football paraphernalia with a boy my brother's age.

If that doesn't scare the crap out of all of you and make you want to get on the next plane to Missoula to save me, I don't know what will.

Hmmm

2008-12-04T14:24:00.002-07:00

Do you think it's bad that while trying to convince my friend to go see the Britney Spears concert with me, I compared it to sleeping with God?:

L: I can't believe you don't want to go to this with me.

P: Bitch please, you know I would have starved myself to lose weight and worn the skankiest gear, fake eyelashes and makeup to the nines just to get a fraction closer to Justin Timberlake!!! Britney, now she's another story...

L: She's slept with him. That's like sleeping with God. She's worth seeing.

P: Allegedly.

I'm going to hell.

Thoughts on being single at 28

2008-12-04T11:06:00.002-07:00

So I have made some bad decisions. And I have had my heart FULLY and COMPLETELY broken. Broken to the point where to this day I still don't know if I'll ever be the same again. And the ongoing reality that I might have lost myself over four years ago occasionally makes a person introspective...

I don't know if I COULD be in a relationship again. I've been single and living alone since January 2004 and the thought of sharing my space, my friends, my dog and my LIFE kind of repulses me a bit. And so I'm having a hard time coming to terms with very conflicting feelings. On the one hand, I've always wanted to get married. ALWAYS. I had the grand plan in high school: engaged at 24, married at 26, baby at 28. Obviously that didn't work out, but I still want the plan - just on a later timetable (okay, except the kids part. Turn "baby" into "another dog" and it's a possibility...).

But now my want/need to get married and be a part of something bigger is kind of being drowned out by my ridiculously selfish personality. I want to live alone, I don't want to share the TV, no you can't eat three of my Lean Cuisine pizzas for lunch, GET ON YOUR SIDE OF THE BED, peeing on the toilet seat and not doing anything about it is disgusting, yes my makeup needs to be on the counter, yes $300 shoes are necessary, 5:00pm does not mean 5:45pm - it means 4:45pm, and YES it is absolutely necessary for me to have three Girls Nights a week because you are constantly annoying me and in my space.

So has the person who was left in a trillion little pieces all those years ago become extremely cynical and pessimistic and way too set in her ways? Have I constantly sabotaged myself and invested way too much energy in douchey guys for four years? It appears so.

But maybe all is not completely lost... I still occasionally find people who make me laugh and listen to my problems and who I genuinely care about. They're not perfect and definitely not boyfriends (or future husbands for that matter), but they make me happy nonetheless and give me a small inkling of hope that there are still good guys out there and that one day I'll be pieced back together enough to appreciate them.

Sober City

2008-12-04T10:39:00.002-07:00

So I have stomach ulcers. I know, awesome. Maybe caused by stress, more likely caused by massive quantities of so-so wine. Regardless of the cause, I was instructed not to drink for a month. I made it a week.

Then there came some situations where a drink was kind of necessary. Then some where 5 drinks were necessary. And THEN some serious shit went down and now I'm back to consuming ulcer-inducing amounts of booze. I'm kind of at a loss as how to solve this problem. I'm drinking because I'm stressed out, but stress and drinking cause ulcers. Ulcers give me more stress so I drink. See the never ending cycle? And it's the holidays. Who doesn't drink during the holidays?

Today is a new day and I've only been back on the drinking wagon for four days or so. I could totally start the trip to Sober City again. I cooouuullllldddddd... I think I need to talk myself into this...

Pros of not drinking:

1. I'll lose 10 pounds in like a week
2. Ulcers might successfully heal
3. I get to watch the hilarious things my friends do with full clarity
4. I'll save money
5. I can be sober driver for my friends
6. I'll have a lot less bruises
7. I won't have any more moments like the one where I tried to kiss this random guy named Carl at the Iron Horse who seemed kind of into me after I'd had like 20 drinks because I thought I lost my job and then he just awkwardly turned his head and I kissed his cheek and Paige pulled me away quickly before I could do something even worse.

We all know what the con is: Boring Lizzie. And being Boring Lizzie might outweigh all the pros...

Go Griz!!

2008-11-24T13:07:00.007-07:00

Okay, so BEST. WEEKEND. EVER. There are some out there who will be shocked, but I currently LOVE football. I have a team I like, I have fun tailgating, I understand what's happening during the game, and I have awesome NON-OBSESSIVE friends to enjoy the game with. Friends who can hold a conversation AND watch the game at the same time. Crazy, right?

This Saturday was the Griz/Cat game - like the Civil War of Montana. Missoula filled up with Griz and Cat fans alike from across the state and beyond, which let to some crazy crowded bars. I had the odd opportunity to view this entire display completely sober due to the fact that I'm not currently drinking (much to my dismay). I got to watch crazy tailgates where one guy chugged an ENTIRE FIFTH of Jim Beam and kids were dancing on top of motor homes. I watched several people stumble and weave down very treacherous stairwells and at half time got the pleasure of watching while paramedics wheeled a college student out on a stretcher while he continued to vomit in a bucket they put in front of him. Then there was this sitting in front of us:

Now that takes creativity. My favorite sweatshirt of the game read, "What's the Difference Between a Bobcat and a Dollar?" and on the back it said, "A Dollar is Good for Four Quarters." Ha.

Anyways, we had fantastic seats again courtesy of Ken and had a great view of the Griz completely stomping the Cats 35-3. And the Griz wore their old orange and yellow uniforms, which everyone seemed to absolutely love (I'm personally happy with the new colors):

The weather, while cold, could have been a lot worse. We bundled up, had sun during the tailgate and it was snowing when we left. That's Montana for you.

Now I'm sure you're thinking, "what could top such a fantastic Saturday?" I'll tell you what: VAMPIRE SUNDAY. Twilight was better than I ever could have hoped for and I'm fully committed to finding myself a hot vampire. I now understand all those girls who were scratching their necks and posing for pictures of Robert Pattison aka vampire Edward Cullen. I'm with you now, ladies. We've decided to throw one of the Twilight parties I was making fun of last week for the video release. You're all invited and you KNOW you want to come...

Thanksgiving in three days!!

Bloody Obsession

2008-11-21T13:57:00.008-07:00

So this might be new information for some of you, but I have a mild obsession with all things vampire related. I find it fascinating and just...HOT. Something about pale skinny dead guys sucking blood... I think this is where my love of red lipstick stems from.

Anyway, this obsession has been taken to a whole new level recently with the introduction of the HBO show True Blood. All HBO shows are wonderful and since the Big Love season ended, I was VERY excited to learn about the addition of a new show about vampires that's set in the south and examines the moral and social ramifications of race and sexism in today's society (see? More than just a show about vampires!). True Blood takes place in a small Louisiana town where the integration of vampires, who now have legal rights and buy Japanese-made synthetic blood (True Blood), causes quite a stir. See the HBO trailer here:

Just as I used to enjoy weekly Mormon Monday dinner parties with Alyson and Amy in Portland for Big Love, we now have Vampire Sundays here in Missoula where we have dinner and drink red wine while watching True Blood. This Sunday is the season finale of True Blood and I'm pretty sure a main character dies so we're all very excited. This show is full of vampires (good and bad), shape shifters, mind readers, werewolves, exorcisms and some kind of weird pig lady so you really never know what's going to happen.

This Sunday we're also going to see the movie Twilight (which was written by a Mormon - see how all my obsessions are connected??), which is the story of a vampire falling in love with a human. It also has these weird abstinence messages embedded in the storyline, but I mean come on - it was written by a Mormon. The movie has sparked this weird international phenomenon and theaters are selling out like crazy so I already have our tickets:

From there we're putting together a vampire-themed dinner complete with blood and guts (baked pasta), seared flesh with blood dipping sauce (beef tips with BBQ sauce) and, of course, straight human blood for drinking (Bloody Mary's and red wine). So it's really just a big awesome vampire Sunday. And just because I'm going to take it to the next level and use the vampire bite mark tattoo Paige gave me doesn't mean I'm crazy. Just a VERY DEVOTED FAN.

Dirty Bird

2008-11-18T10:58:00.008-07:00

So Red Robin has opened in Missoula!! Just like when Hooters opened, this is a BIG DEAL. But, unlike with Hooters, I was almost crazy excited for this to happen. I love Red Robin and everything it stands for. We spent a ridiculous amount of time there when I was in high school and then I somehow let it's awesomeness slip away from me. Then here I am, living in Missoula where restaurants of any kind are few and far between, and all of a sudden the comforting familiarity of bottomless steak fries with sides of ranch, a teriyaki chicken sandwich and lying about your birthday so you can get the free sundae all sound SO APPEALING.

Brittany from one of my favorite blogs, Barefoot Foodie, recently blogged about how she found herself waiting outside Chipotle at 10:45am like a woman out of one of those old Mervyn's commercials... "open, open, open.." - you know the ones. Having ALSO found myself outside Chipotle before they opened more times than I can count (until finally they felt bad for us and started letting us in early), it was an odd feeling yesterday to be considering doing the same thing at Red Robin. Once I got it in my head, it's all I could think about ALL DAY.

Finally, 5pm rolled around, I literally RAN to my car, sped home, let Jackson out, drove to the mall (yes, it's at the mall. Don't judge), illegally parked and pushed my way through the already overly crowded entry way to put our names on the list. Thank God I have friends who were excited about this as I was...

Anyway, once there, several things went wrong:

1. I see this crazy hot man walk by. Seriously, just my type: tall, thin, all his hair, nice teeth, fitted pants, jacket, and HOT cowboy boots. Perfect amount of cowboy and metrosexual. I look at Christy and Kristi as he walks by and go, "OH MY GOD, did you just see that amazingly hot guy??" and Christy goes, "Oh! It's Christian!" Ya. Christian is Christy's gay friend who was meeting us for dinner. And we wonder why I don't date... CLASSIC.

2. We, of course, asked for fries before our burgers come. It's just what you do. Well, they end up coming after we get our meals. I understand it's opening day but shouldn't you be MASS PRODUCING those things??

3. My meal, which consisted of a chicken sandwich and a Corona, cost me almost $20. Ummmm... there is no way we would have eaten there so much if it cost that much in high school. I think the Dirty Bird might be ripping me off...

But, since they fully sucked me in with all their new menu items and the way they call chicken strips "Clucks & Fries" (I love that!), I will be back. I'm going to give them some time to pull it all together and then - mark my words - those servers will know me by name.

MIA

2008-11-17T13:26:00.005-07:00

Just wanted to check in with all 10 of my awesome blog followers (hey Mom and Dad!) and say sorry for being so lame about the blogging recently. Things have been kind of drama-filled around here recently, but there have been some great moments. We’ve had some absolutely gorgeous late-fall weekends, which have led to lot of time outdoors. Kim and Brian came to visit for Halloween and we had a great weekend partying it up. My friends Christy, Denise and I were baby mamas (modeled after that group of girls in New Jersey who went and got pregnant at the same time) one night, and I was Izzy from Grey's Anatomy the next night. Paige and Justin were Mounds and Almond Joy bars and Kim and Brian were zombie runners. I haven’t really celebrated Halloween in years so it was fun to go out and get a little crazy:

Beyond that, Christy, Paige and I braved the passes for a girl’s weekend in Spokane. This idea was sparked after some stupid architect told me I was “too tall to date.” Ya, I’m sure you are all aware of how well that went over… but the Spokane weekend was awesome. Did some shopping, dressed up, had dinner at PF Changs and danced our way through quite a few sketchy bar/clubs. Paige even rode the bull! Since we’re all over 6’2’’ in heels, we decided to tell people we were plus-size models on our way home from a job in Seattle. Paige did the best job with the whole story line, convincing a group of women that she’s been on numerous covers and that she goes by the name “Leslie” in public because she gets recognized so often. It was fantastic. Of course I completely messed it up by talking about my real job all the time and no one believed that was Christy’s job since she rolls in at about a size 2:

So after a long night of dancing and general debauchery, we see THIS:

If that doesn't keep you from making a trip to Spokane, I don't know what will.

Anyway, coming back to Portland in less than two weeks for Thanksgiving and couldn’t be more excited about it. And then back for Christmas and New Years! Can’t wait to see everyone over the holidays, but I’ll try my best to blog more in the meantime…

Delicious Change

2008-11-07T13:08:00.002-07:00

An awesome likeness of Obama made out of 1,240 cupcakes. Now THAT is my kind of President!

Beautiful Change

2008-11-06T12:57:00.004-07:00

I would have posted this much sooner, but I have been sick as a dog for over a week... oh well, better late than never.

I had the honor on Tuesday to call myself a Montanan in the closest presidential race the state has ever seen. Montana is a red state. Guns, fishing, land usage rights, and hillbilly back country mountain men (think the unibomber) have kept this state veeerrrryyyy Republican. But this year was different. I strong grassroots effort, four visit from Obama and ZERO vists from McCain all helped Montana become a "tossup state." Whhhhaattttt? We're not light pink or red anymore?? No, in the end Montana was one of three states that was "too close to call." In the end, the state did go red, with 50% of people voting for McCain and 48% voting for Obama, but I was still SO PROUD that a state no one would ever think would vote Democratic gave those Republicans a run for their money.

At least it didn't come down to Montana as the deciding state. You know, with our 3 whole electoral votes... As I'm sure many of you were, I was proud and honored to watch what unfolded on Tuesday night and have nothing but hope and faith for the future of our country. And can't wait to watch Montana turn blue in 2012... :)

Herding Instinct

2008-11-02T21:57:00.003-07:00

I haven't posted a blog about Jackson in a long time, so I thought I was due. Jackson really liked my baby mama stomach (aka a Walmart bouncy ball) and is now obsessed with herding it around the yard. Enjoy:

Drug Problem

2008-10-13T10:12:00.003-06:00

So I walked out to my car this morning to find that it had been broken into. I also recently got rear-ended and the f-ers didn't leave a note. But whatever, I open my door and all the crap I keep in my car was thrown about everywhere. I was super confused for a minute taking in all the Vitamin Water bottles, used oil blotting sheets and unpaid parking tickets. But the thing that really got me was that whoever did this lined up all my prescription pill bottles on top of my steering wheel so they were just staring me in the face when I sat down.

Why do you keep prescription pills in your car, you ask? Well, you never know when you might need some anti-nausea medicine. My tooth might get infected and I need some amoxicillin. Maybe I get a debilitating neck cramp and need some muscle relaxers. Or I could just be really bored driving all the way back from Portland and need some Ultram to make things a little more interesting. You never know and, as Justin has warned us all lately, it's best to be prepared.

Bottom line, whoever did this not only violated my personal property, but was TOTALLY judging me and my pill-popping ways in the process. Awesome.

Meat Day

2008-10-08T10:00:00.008-06:00

So, in any state other than Montana, Meat Day could be many things. Maybe it’s the one day a week you allow yourself red meat. Maybe it’s the day you go down to the local farmer’s market to pick up some corn-fed, all-organic, hormone-free chicken. Maybe it’s the local all-male review that only comes through the last Sunday of every month (not that I’d know anything about that…). But here, in Montana, Meat Day is something totally different.

Yesterday marked my very first Spiker Meat Day. Every year Wes and Chris Spiker buy livestock from the local 4H kids. These kids have spent an entire year hand feeding these animals to make them fat, happy, beautiful and ready for slaughter. This is a horrifying concept to me considering that one summer at the Condon County Fair, I fell in love with a 4H goat, named it Slobber, fed it Tootsie Pops for a few weeks (okay, I shared them with him…) and then forced my parents to buy him so no one would kill him and eat him (lots of tears. Begging and pleading were involved). Oddly, I have no recollection of what happened to Slobber…

Years later, while living with my oldest friend Jeff in his Peace Corps village in Morocco, I gained a new appreciation for the raising and eventual slaughter of animals. I mean, if we didn’t kill that chicken I would have had to go on eating cous cous and sugary, sludgey coffee every day. But my love of goats stayed strong. There were little baby goats running around everywhere and I named my favorite ones Ice Man and Maverick. I made Jeff promise not to tell me what happened to them after I left…

But back to Meat Day. Montanans love their meat and I’m really used to it now. Go hunt and shoot innocent animals. I don’t care. BUT I don’t want to see the dead, bloody deer hanging out of the back of your truck. Take it to the butcher and bring it to me in nice, white paper packages. This year, the Spikers bought two pigs. Pictures of those pigs have been hanging on the company bulletin board for two weeks now. Happy little kids holding on to their lovely, prize winning swine:

Yesterday, those pigs were delivered to Spiker in the form of pork sausage, baked ham, pork chops, bacon, pork shoulder and more. It’s like a national holiday. People bring bags, boxes and coolers and are literally waiting with shining eyes at the door at 4:30pm. In typical Lizzie fashion, I forgot it was Meat Day but someone was nice enough to give me a bag. At 4:30pm exactly, we were let loose on dozens of boxes full of meat.

Now, I’m not much of a pork eater, but who am I to say no to free food? Especially award-winning pork?? I managed to get about 12 pork chops, one ham, some pork sausage and a few packages of bacon. Most of this is for Paige and Justin, but I’m sure I’ll get to it some time.
I’m currently researching delicious pork chop recipes. One more reason for you all to visit Montana: I now have a freezer full of delicious pork meat. Woo hoo for Meat Day!

The Griz vs. the Loggers by Paige Singleterry, Guest Blogger

2008-09-30T14:27:00.006-06:00

Paige Singleterry, Guest Blogger, HR Generalist, Best Friend, Avid cheese-lover, Former Logger, Current Griz Fan

First of all, as a guest blogger,’ I feel it my duty to defend my actions since the inception of this blog. I read Lizzie’s blog religiously and never comment. The reason for this is that my work has some pretty intense firewalls and I don’t have internet access at home. When I check my email at Lizzie’s house…. I feel silly commenting to a person’s blog who is sitting right next to me. So Lizzie, ever desperate to get me involved has asked me to guest blog. So here goes…

Lizzie has already blogged about a mere fraction of our homecoming adventure that was last weekend. The portion that I would like to cover in more detail is the Logger football game that we attended. But first, a little history on me and my relationships with sports and spectators…

I am a high school athlete, 6’1” and tremendously uncoordinated. I played varsity volleyball and basketball and was literally the 3rd tallest person in my school…. Yes that would include boys as well. I overcame my lack of coordination by working my ass off and practicing 3-4 hours a day and playing to my strengths. I only played front row in volleyball because I was the number 1 blocker in the state of Colorado, but I averaged 3 out of 10 serves going over the net and couldn’t get low enough to play defense. I wasn’t allowed to dribble in basketball. You all think I exaggerate, but I would literally have to run sprints if I dribbled… and for good reason because I would typically lose the ball. However, I was the 3rd ranked rebounder in the state. You get the picture…

I have a lot of empathy for athletes because I got a lot of crap from 28-55 year old men in my small town wearing their high school letterman’s jackets cornering me and asking me why I “screwed up that play”, “missed that shot”, “tripped over my feet”…I felt like screaming at them that I did not intend to do these things…. If I had my way I would have glided down the court like a gazelle and made every basket....

My husband, Justin, teases me because I get upset at him when he yells at people for their screw-ups. He loves to tell the story about when I looked over at him with a look of pure rage and screamed at him, “Why don’t you get out on the field you jackass if you feel you can do it so much better!”

I am also an avid football fan. I’ve never really been loyal to one team because I was raised by my step dad who is a sports-a-holic and only loyal to the Dodgers Baseball team. Every Sunday, Clint and I would retire to the living room to watch football to our hearts content. Clint, having played football in college, taught me about the game and I still have a passion for watching football. In my years since I have moved out of the house, I have found that I miss watching football and long for the days on my family’s couch getting the play-by-play from my step dad.

So last year, Justin went to three or four Griz games and we decided this year that we are going to be fans…. And by fans I mean we invested in ‘griz gear,’ will do almost anything to get a ticket to the game, and plan BBQ’s around every away game. I thoroughly enjoy my new passion for the Griz. The games are fantastic, the tailgates are a blast, the fans are very supportive (not crazy like my previous High School interactions) and Justin is an alumni and so I feel like I fit in at least a little bit.

In visiting UPS, I noticed a few key differences between Griz Homecoming and Logger Homecoming:

1. U of M had a huge parade that lasted hours and went through the whole downtown area while UPS had a sign up booth for alumni in their student center.
2. U of M has a literal gauntlet of tailgaters. They come with their RV’s and rope off fields upon fields to tailgate, which involves burgers, hotdogs, classic rock music, beer and whiskey beginning in the wee small hours of the morning. U of M also has a school bus that picks up people from sports bars downtown who have been drinking since 8AM so they don’t get a DUI while UPS has an annual homecoming brunch. This brunch is alcohol free with a Jazz band that plays softly for attendees. It’s an extremely quiet and classy affair.
3. U of M has a huge stadium, ticket scalpers and sets records for attendance while UPS has one set of small bleachers and seats are always available.
4. U of M has a huge halftime show with a marching band, they shoot off a cannon every time a touchdown is made and they literally shoot souvenirs into the stand with a rocket gun while UPS has their halftime show on the track that surrounds the field and you can barely hear it.
5. The Griz team plays extremely clean and I can follow the game very easily while the Loggers are sloppy and fall all over themselves and the other team, making the game hard to follow.
6. Finally, the Griz win, while the Loggers typically do not as they lost their homecoming game 60-7.

I feel like I have the best of both worlds being a current Griz Fan as well as a Logger Alumni. I wouldn’t trade my time at UPS for the world. There were plenty of “ups and downs” I grant you, but I met some of my best friends in the world, got a killer education, a lot of individual attention, tons of financial aid (thank God) and got to live in a beautiful area for four years. And… as an empathetic sports viewer, the Loggers gave it their best and if I was out there, I know I couldn’t do any better. I played flag football on Thanksgiving 2006 and I was sore for a whole week! How times have changed since I was in High School…

Not everyone needs to know how to change a tire

2008-09-30T09:55:00.004-06:00

So this last weekend was UPS Homecoming weekend. As I mentioned before, I have been both excited and apprehensive about this trip. Turns out both feelings were valid…

Paige and I got on the road Thursday about 12:30pm and chit-chatted our way through Montana and Idaho. Soon enough we’re cruising through Spokane and excited to have 3 hours of the 8 hour trip under our belts. All of a sudden we’re being pulled over. FANTASTIC. Now, we’re driving in the left hand lane and we have JUST seen a motorcycle cop pull someone over on the left side of the freeway. Paige has never been pulled over on the freeway so she just starts easing over to the left-hand shoulder. The officer pulls up beside us and starts motioning violently for us to pull over onto the right shoulder. Fine.

Since I’m in the passenger seat and he approaches us from my side, I try to put on a happy face and be all cute and charming. He’s not having it. Ginger-haired Officer Spencer, who approached us in an overly tight uniform, complete with Lieutenant Dangle moustache and Oakley sunglasses, was rude from moment one.

Officer Spencer: “Do you know why I pulled you over?”

Paige: “Well, no…”

OS: “I clocked you going 71 in a 60. Is there a reason you felt the need to go that fast?”

P: “Well, the speed limit is 75 in Montana and I…”

OS: “Well we’re not in Montana anymore, are we? No. Licence and registration please.”

Pause while he goes to check us out and OBVIOUSLY write us a ticket. I take this time to mildly freak out and finish an entire bag of Chili Picante Corn Nuts I found in the glove box while frantically searching for proof of insurance. Then he’s back.

OS: “So, do you go by Paige?”

P: “Um, yes…”

OS: “Well, Paige, why did you feel it would be appropriate to pull over on the left side of the freeway?”

P: “Well I’ve never been pulled over and we had just seen -”

OS: “Stop. What did you learn in traffic school? Left or right?”

P: “Well it’s been 13 years…”

OS: “Left or right, Paige? LEFT OR RIGHT?!”

P: “Right! Right! I’m supposed to pull off to the right!”

OS: “Good. I didn’t cite you for it THIS TIME but it’s definitely a warning. Did you know 25 Spokane police officers died last year? Two drowned, one was shot and 22 were KILLED on the side of the freeway because someone pulled off on the left. Do you think I want to be hit by a car and die? No, I do not.”

P: “Alright, if anyone ever asks me to pull off to the left, I’ll tell them Officer Spencer from Spokane told me not to.”

OS: “Exactly. Now where are you headed?”

P: “Seattle… do you think you could help us merge back onto the freeway?”

OS: “No. Good luck.”

ARE YOU JOKING?? Heads back to the car while I’m literally stress-licking chili picante off my palms and leaves us on the side of I-90 to merge into speeding traffic on our own. IN A PRIUS.

Finally, with a little teamwork, we get back on the road and immediately start reliving the INSANE encounter we just had with Spokane’s finest. All of a sudden I hear a weird thrumming noise.

Lizzie: “What is that noise?”

Paige: “What noise?”

L: “The weird thrumming. It sounds like a motorcycle but I don’t see one.”

P: “Oh, it’s nothing. The Prius is just a big spaceship.”

L: “Okay but that’s really -”

BOOM!

P: “ OH MY GOD! What is going on?!”

L: “It’s the tire, it’s the tire!”

I lean over to her while the car weaves all over the left lane of I-90 West.

L: “You’re doing great! You’re doing great!” (literally petting her hair at this point) “Just get to the side of the road.”

P: “But I’m not supposed to pull over on the left hand side of the road!!”

L: “Just do it! It’ll be fine!”

So Paige masterfully pulls her spaceship over to the left hand side and we both start freaking out. We are BARELY off the road and semi-trucks are whizzing by at amazing speeds. We have just been verbally bitch slapped by Officer Spencer for pulling off on the left and warned about all the people who die because they do it. I get so nervous that I climb into the back seat so I’m not on the right hand side of the car. Wouldn’t have mattered in the end, but it made me feel better. And I was out of Corn Nuts…

So Paige calls 911, I call AAA and soon enough we’re pulled off into the center median and a nice man from AAA is putting the little doughnut tire on the car. At the same time we’re being berated by various sources (Justin, Kim, State Troopers, a random good Samaritan) for not knowing how to change our own tire.

1. Situations like this are WHY I have AAA. Please.

2. Even if I DID know how to change my own tire, I wasn’t about to get out of the car on I-90 to take care of it. Even when we were pulled off safely, you never know what might happen. An errant drunk driver could come flying off the road and POOF! You’re road kill. STAY IN THE CAR PEOPLE. I even tried to stay in the car while the AAA guy was jacking it up. Paige just looked at me all judgmentally and said she doubted if he needed an extra 160 pounds to lift. Fine. So I hid on the other side of the car just in case.

So, two and half hours, one $113 ticket and two brand new rear tires later, we’re back on the road. Turns out something punctured the tire when Officer Spencer pulled us over. You can guarantee OS will be getting a hefty bill for our troubles…

We tried to get a flight from the Spokane airport so we could go drown our anxiety at an airport bar but no luck. All sold out. 5 tense hours down the road we finally see the lights of Seattle and are ready to start our Homecoming weekend. But that’s a story for later… just writing about this has stressed me out again. That, and that fact that Paige just called to remind me that the Jetta has a tire that’s low. And no, I won’t be changing it myself...

I think I might hate Facebook

2008-09-23T11:54:00.003-06:00

So I have recently been having some trouble with Facebook. I was on MySpace for a long time, but now spend much more time on Facebook. I think I made this switch because Facebook was so much more interesting. You could “tag” pictures of your friends and visa versa and then your home page would tell you when one of your friends was “tagged.” Your home page would update you on what your friends were doing at any given moment, whether they were in a relationship, what parties and events they were attending, etc. Because of this I have developed a deep passion for online stalking. Want to know whether a friend ditched you for dinner to go on a date? No problem. Want to spy on an ex-boyfriend? EASY. Questions about whether your ex-best friend is pregnant or just kind of fat? Answers are readily available.

However, this love of Facebook stalking has recently backfired on me…

Remember the days when you had to have your photos printed and you could rip up negatives of anything incriminating? Or when people had pagers and would text you with codes like 143 (I love you) or 18 (my personal code :)). Now everyone with a phone, PDA, iPod or camera can take photos of you and upload them to the internet within seconds. Now I have entire conversations with people via text and hardly ever actually talk on my phone (especially since I got a BlackBerry). For example, before, if my Stupid Ex had a new girlfriend I might not know about it for months. I probably wouldn’t find out until a mutual friend let it slip or I caught them making out at a bar. NOW I would know within hours!! First, pictures of the two of them would show up on Facebook. My home page will nicely tell me Stupid Ex has been tagged in new pictures. I would go look at said pictures and start to get suspicious. Soon enough, Stupid Ex would change his relationship status to “in a relationship.” Really? Well who might you be in a relationship with, Stupid Ex?? Oh, THANK YOU, Facebook! How nice of you to provide me with that information! Stupid New Girl, you say?? Wonderful. Now I’ll waste another half day stalking her and all her lovely, make-me-want-to-barf new pictures of her with Stupid Ex.

Now, we all know the above is a hypothetical for me since all my stupid exes are either married or smart enough not to be on Facebook (but if they were, the above would totally be a possibility). But I did have a few instances recently where I learned things about people I TOTALLY didn’t want or need to know. But I have no choice! There it is staring me in the face, a nice new little tidbit from my informative friend Mr. Facebook. I DON’T WANT TO KNOW THESE THINGS BUT DON’T KNOW HOW TO STOP. *Help!*

* I'm calling Amy Kerr out here, specifically, because Facebook has informed me of all her new Salem friends and I have long-distance friend jealousy :)

Homecoming Weekend

2008-09-22T10:57:00.003-06:00

Homecoming is kind of all up in my face right now, which has gotten me thinking about college and how old we’re getting. This last weekend was U of M Homecoming weekend and this weekend is UPS Homecoming in Tacoma, WA.

As with anything having to do the U of M and the Grizzlies, Missoula went all out this weekend with a huge parade down Higgins, crazy tailgates and a very close game against UC Davis (Missoula 29, UC Davis 24). I didn’t have tickets to this week’s game, but our friend Cori let us watch the parade from her condo in the Wilma and we watched the game from the Press Box, a big sports bar here. While I still liked watching the game, it’s much more fun watching it in person…

Now, despite my newfound love of football, I am not really looking forward to watching the Loggers (yes, my college mascot is a bearded man wearing flannel and holding an axe…) play this weekend. I maybe went to two games while I was in school there and wasn’t even sure if we still had a football team anymore. Apparently we do. While I loved my time at UPS, I haven’t had a strong desire to go back and visit since I graduated in 2003. But, this year happens to be our 5-year reunion so Lauren, Paige and I are all biting the bullet and making the trip.

I have mixed feelings about the whole thing. On the one hand, I’ve avoided this whole Homecoming thing because the best things I took away from college (friends), I still have in my life. Going back, while nostalgic, is also going to put me in danger of several things I have tried very hard to avoid: ex-boyfriends (and their wives), Alpha Phi (and the bitchy girls that come with it), making conversation with people you know you should know, but don’t really remember at all and who seem to really remember you and the one (okay 20) nights you did something incredibly stupid in public.

On the other hand, I loved my college campus, am excited to see all our old houses and apartments and can’t WAIT to eat/drink at the following establishments:

E-9
Magoos
The Hotel
The Ram
MSM
Pizza Time
That little convenience store across the street from Jeremy's old apartment where we used to get all our booze
The SUB (school cafeteria)
The Melting Pot
Queen Anne Grocery
Pizza Time
Southern Kitchen
The Harmon

The only problem with this plan is that 1. We’ll probably be drinking at every one of these place, as booze will help me deal with the above-mentioned things I desperately want to avoid. And don’t worry, Stacy and Gena, we’ll pour one out for you at each bar so you'll be woth us in spirit... 2. We’ll only technically be in Tacoma for 6 meals. I have a feeling we might be starting with breakfast at the SUB at 8am and eating our way into the 2am hour with crack-filled cheese sticks from Pizza Time.

Don’t judge us – we probably won’t be back for another 5 years…

Running on Empty

2008-09-17T12:40:00.004-06:00

So I've hit a new low. Paige and I work out every morning at 5:30am and this morning we had yoga. After a few downward dogs and one really awkward hand stand, we went out to my car to drive home. Yesterday my "gas empty" light came on, but I wasn't too worried about it. The Jetta has always made it just fine for a few days on empty. I would have gotten gas this morning on the way to the gym but gas station aren't open until 6am. Anywho, we got in the car and started the drive home. Weirdly, the car refused to shift up and just kind of stopped working. Paige and I have never run out of gas before so we had no idea what it felt like or what to do.

We ended up coasting into the K Mart parking lot and getting out to push the car into an actual parking spot. After a few more unsuccessful tries to start the car, we both come to the realization that not only are we stranded in the K Mart parking lot wearing what amounts to pajamas, but neither of us have any money, cards or phones. Woooowwwww. It's 6:45 am, nothing is open and we're walking down Brooks like street vagrants looking for someone to give us money or a ride home. If I had photos of this glorious scene, I would definitely have posted one here.

So Missoula has a TON of casinos and, luckily, they're open 24 hours. I had never realized that there are people who really do gamble 24 hours a day, but as Paige and I mosied up to the Best Bet Casino, the parking lot was full and old women were flowing in the door. We got inside, looked around the dark, dingy, SMELLY casino (quickly noticing the ironic sign advertising a $300 gas card), and called Justin. Justin, unfortunately, starts work at 5am these days and couldn't pick us up but gave us the phone numbers for a few of our friends, one of whom mercifully agreed to come pick us up. We must have been quite the picture standing out on Brooks street (like the Burnside of Missoula), sharing my jacket and holding eachother for warmth...

We ended up getting a gas can, putting a gallon of gas in the car and getting me to a gas station. The whole thing reminded me how dependent we are on debit cards and cell phones. It also reminded me not to be so lazy and put gas in my car.

Griz Nation

2008-09-16T11:04:00.005-06:00

So I have officially attended my first Montana Grizzlies football game. Woo! Go Griz! I guess I’ve kind of jumped aboard this train and really embraced the team. Seeing as how I grew up with no loyalty toward any specific team (and my parents could care less about football anyway) and then went to college at a school that barely HAS a football team, I’m shocked that I’ve taken such a liking to the game. I think the fact that people are SO PASSIONATE about the Griz (and not in the creepy, drunken, screaming-at-me-just-because-my-rain-jacket-is-purple Ducks fans kind of way) that you can’t help but want to be part of it.

Saturday was a lovely day for a football game. Clear skies and about 80 degrees. The Grizzlies were playing the Southern Utah T-Birds. Our friend Ken, who works for Budweiser, got us some AMAZING tickets, 5 rows up on the northern end zone. But before we even got to those seats, we got to walk the gauntlet of serious tailgating parties. These people take this stuff veeerrrryyyy seriously. You can’t drink in the stadium, so people drink HARD before the game and during half-time. I had only managed to get two Bud Lights down by the time we were going in so everyone decided we should all shotgun a beer. PLEASE. Who are you talking to?? I’ve never shotgunned a beer in my life. But, when in Rome…

The first quarter was pretty boring, but then things picked up and the Griz scored three touchdowns before the half. And out we go to tailgate some more. Our friend Denise’s parents had a great tailgate and we spent half time and most of the third quarter enjoying tacos, beer and margaritas. Not bad… From there, we headed back in to watch our Grizzlies beat Southern Utah 46 to 10. At one point I was even standing and jumping around a bit. Now I kind of have the fever, so expect to hear more about the Griz and marvel as I throw new terminology into my blogs. Words such as blitz, interception, field goal, onside kick, neutral zone, rushing, safety and turnover. Oh, that’s right. It’s like I’m a whole new woman…

JB + LB = Same Person

2008-09-11T16:17:00.005-06:00

As people have been pointing out to me lately, my dad gets a bad rap on this blog (and there is a straight-up following of my dad's comments on the blogs since he likes to tell embarassing childhood stories about me. There was even a request for him to guest blog...). I tend to blame most of my irrational phobias and weird quirks on things he put me through as a child. And I still think many of them are true. I hated water sports for a long time because he would throw me off the boat and threatened to leave me if I didn't try to ski; he told me there were snakes in the logs I could see at the bottom of the lake and now I have a debilitating fear of green water, and he DID knock me off a sailboat and drag me underwater for what felt like an eternity.

BUT, after all that, we're essentially the same person: opinionated, driven, argumentative, social, self-indulgent, SLIGHTY judgmental (okay, totally judgey but I'm working on it). My dad used to tear into my school pepers with a red pen until they were unrecognizable. I took that editing knowledge and applied it to the tutoring center at UPS. I was soon asked to leave since I circled a portion of some kid's paper and wrote, "This is just stupid." I guess not everyone appreciates the straight-forward John Bennett style like I do.

But another important thing that ties the two of us together was pointed out to me recently. Look at the two photos below and tell me what you see that makes us even more alike:

Could it be we're always the only one in photos holding alcohol?? Ah yes, us Bennetts have our priorities. I love you, Dad, and don't worry, Mom gave me some quirks, too :).

Starboard Ho!

2008-09-08T09:47:00.009-06:00

So what I love most about living here is that I get out and try all these new things that I typically wouldn't do if at home. That could be because it isn't an option in Oregon, because it's too far away, or just because I can be ridiculously lazy. But I feel like I need to take advantage of all the awesome things Montana has to offer while I can.

This weekend brought quite a few new experiences, including my first Grizzlies game on Saturday night. The team was playing Cal Poly so I hosted a BBQ, had some people over and we all watched the game. As I've said before, team sports really aren't my thing. Sports that get you dirty really aren't my thing. Tennis, skiing, aerobics classes, sure. Awesome. Bring it on. My dad tried to instill a love of sports in his first daughter, but after watching me run around mud puddles so as not to get my white soccer shoes dirty, sit down in the outfield in the fifth to eat sunflower seeds and take a nap and walking over to him on the sidelines with a look of disgust to complain about how I was sweating, he pretty much gave up. However, several years of being surrounded by men with a serious love of college football (Ducks, specifically), I've picked up enough knowledge to be able to watch the game and generally know what's happening. The Griz won this game (or, as one of my co-workers said this morning, "we didn't win, we just didn't lose") 30 to 28. Next weekend the Griz play here in Missoula so I'm going to pull out my school spirit from back in the CCHS Rams days (let's be clear - I have no school spirit when it comes to UPS), dress myself up in Griz colors and sit in the cold and rain watching my new "hometown team." Just as I felt it necessary to buy a bike to fit in when I moved here, I feel this display of Griz love (whether sincere or not) is just as necessary.

Sunday was just a FANTASTIC day. Lynda and Bill Brown invited me up to Flathead Lake to go sailing with them on their gorgeous 30' sailboat. I've been very apprehensive around sailboats ever since I got knocked off of one when I was younger (this actually happened several times. Thanks, Dad), but I knew this would be a different experience. There had been the threat of rain, but by the time I got there, the sun was poking through the clouds and the wind had just started picking up. Bill and Lynda got everything ready (while I tried to stay out of the way) and we were off. Apparently this was one of the best wind days they've had all summer so we decided to sail all the way across the lake. I got to see some RIDICULOUSLY huge houses, some of the islands around the lake, and Bill even let me steer (although I had a very hard time keeping it straight):

When we reached the other side, we anchored the boat, made a delicious lunch and sat on the deck eating and drinking wine while Lynda and Bill told me how they got into sailing, which they're quite passionate about. They do a lot of racing with their boat and usually come in in the top three. They've had three boats over the last 10 years but are really happy with the one they have now, the Dreamcatcher. Only 22 of this kind of boat were made and Bill and Lynda's was number five. There's a small kitchen, a couple small seating areas, two sleeping areas and a bathroom. Everything they need for a nice weekend up at the lake. And their dog, Moses, is a true boat dog and seem to love it just as much as they do:

From there, we took off for home. Bill thought we'd be able to use the spinnaker, but there wasn't very much wind and we ended up motoring half the way back. Of course, I didn't notice this since I was taking a wonderful nap in the sun. This wonderful nap left me with a very burned face and not so wonderful raccoon eyes. But I'd do it all again in a heart beat. Thank you, thank you to Bill and Lynda for giving me such an awesome Sunday.

PS. The whole thing made me miss you tons, Elissa and Dawson. Come visit soon!

There's a new 90210 and I'm still pissed off

2008-09-03T14:30:00.007-06:00

So, first, let me just start thing by saying I am CRANKY today. Really just kind of in a weird hate spiral and I'm dealing with it by cooking. The other night I made the BEST LASAGNA EVER from this great blog called Hot Off the Garlic Press (www.hotgarlic.blogspot.com). Now, I really don't cook that often and when I did, it was mainly when John and I were together and I made the food taste good and he made it look good (his restaurant doesn't even have chefs - it's all about the presentation and then guests cook the food themselves. I STILL think I deserve half of his restaurants, but a lifetime of free fondue will suffice). So anyways, I made this recipe: http://hotgarlic.blogspot.com/2008/08/i-was-recently-reminded-by-jenny-of.html but used prosciutto instead of chicken and no mushrooms. It was AMAZING. I got a little overwhelmed by all the steps, but then Paige came home and helped me and it all turned out great. A really different approach to lasagna and one I actually think I might like better...

Anyway, as I said, I'm cranky. I think this is from a combination of things:

1. I haven't worked out in weeks and Paige and I went to the gym this morning. It was yoga morning and we did some crazy-ass stretches and a HEAD STAND that have me hurting already. Our teacher usually doesn't like us, but today she said we did a good job. Whatever that's worth.

2. Weather. I am very much looking forward to fall and winter here, but Missoula needs to MAKE UP ITS MIND. In the morning I'm freezing cold so I put on a turtleneck and slacks. By the afternoon it's 80 degrees and the stupid college girls (who are all back in town) are running around my neighborhood in tubetop onesies. So now I'm sitting at my desk sweating and counting down the minutes to 5pm.

There are other things, like money and my stupid car and the fact that there is a humungous tree branch in my yard and that every time I try to use my stud finder to find a stud to hang my super heavy mirror from I'm reminded that 1. I wouldn't be able to lift this mirror by myself even if I DID find a stud and 2. My Aunt's husband Craig gave me that stud finder for Christmas and walked around the room making beeping noises around all the men. Funny and depressing all at the same time.

Speaking of funny and depressing, Paige and I watched the premier episode of the new 90210 last night (nice segway from the ranting tangent, right?). It was 2 hours long and I'm generally sucked in. I LOVED the original 90210 (I mean, who didn't love nerdy little David Silver and Donna Martin's weird breast implants and all the eating disorders and drug problems and how everyone dated everyone elses' boyfriends but they all still managed to stay friends and how every time one of them did something even remotely bad or sketchy, something bad would happen to them to teach them a lesson? Good times). This one is very similar, but even more "risque" for today's audience. At one point, the Brenda-like character who moves with her family from Kansas gets asked out by "the richest boy in school" who takes her all Pretty Woman-style on his private plane to have dinner in San Francisco. First of all, PLEASE. Second of all, this character, Ty Collins, FREAKED ME OUT. He was super hot, but I felt like I couldn't even look him in the eye THROUGH THE TV! Like he was creepily watching me. It was a weird feeling and I would like other opinions on this. Paige felt the same way and I think many other people feel that way, too, because I could only find one picture of him online this morning and he seems like a pretty important secondary character. Not even anything on the official 90210 Web page. Here's that one photo:

Pretty creepy, right? I also found out he's been on the show "Supernatural," which just cements my decision that I have to avert my eyes when watching future episodes with him in it (and IMDB tells me there will only be 5 more. Good). Overall, liked the show. HOTTEST TEACHER EVER is on it, rivaling my love for Father Clovis from freshman year at CCHS and Hans Ostrom from Day 1 Freshman year at UPS until FOREVER (I know I'm going to get comments about those).

So, to deal with my anger (really intense anger directed in certain directions), I'm again cooking dinner for Paige and Justin. Tonight I'm making twice baked potatoes with chicken, baked cauliflower au gratin and sauteed zucchini with onions and parmesean. All from that Hot Garlic blog which, like I said, is amazing.

Thanks to everyone for reading through my ranting and bitching. I figure, I have this blog, lets take it out here before I go home and put it in my food. Presentation is bad enough already. Love, love, love and miss you all.

Hooters is Awesome

2008-08-29T09:54:00.009-06:00

Anyone who knows me knows about my obsession with boobs. All the women on both sides of my family have big boobs and somehow I just got skipped. Kim got skipped, too, but not as bad as me. I find this joke of nature to be cruel and unfair. To deal with my feelings of hurt and abandonment by the Boob Fairy, I have surrounded myself with well-endowed friends, given Victoria's Secret thousands of dollars in exchange for a little padding (BTW - I got measured at VS and they told me I'm a 34D. Victoria's Secret, you do know the way to a small-chested girl's heart, but I have eyes, VS! I have eyes.), and, most recently, developed a deep love for the greatest restaurant of all time, Hooters.

Hooters just opened in Missoula and, like when any new restaurant opens in Missoula, people FREAKED OUT. It's packed all the time and you see guys running around in Hooters shirts all over town. So last night, Paige, Justin, Ken and I decide to go check it out. Now, many people - namely large-chested women - find Hooters to be offensive and say it objectifies women. I say that's nonsense. I occasionally get caught in that "OMG I was awkwardly staring at your boobs for too long. Sorrrrryyyy" moment and Hooters completely eliminates that moment. You're SUPPOSED to awkwardly stare. It truly combines everything I love: boobs, shiny nylons that hide cellulite, all kinds of fried food, synchronized dancing and singing, hula-hooping, white scrunch socks and booze. What's NOT to love here?!?

So, other than mild disappoinment over the fact that not all the girls had big boobs (Ken reminded me to look at the pool they're pulling from. "We're not in LA, Reno or Vegas, Lizzie.") last night was just pretty awesome. I was dancing along to the YMCA dance, I ate some fried pickles (meh), had two Bud Light Big Daddies and beat the Hooters girl at Hula-Hooping. Apparently, all the Hooters in Portland have closed. I might never come home.

Yearbook Photos

2008-08-28T11:40:00.006-06:00

My dear friend Emily Meyer sent me the link to a Web site where you can put your face on the yearbook photos of people all the way back to 1950 and I had quite a good time playing around with it last night. I've included some of my favorite and most hilarious creations below:

Paige Singleterry, circa 1968 and 1990

Brandon Cresswell, circa 1974 and 1994

Elissa Brown, circa 1972 and 1996

If this looks like fun to you (and believe me, it is), find a picture where you're looking straight at the camera and go to www.yearbookyourself.com. Good times!

Jenny is a Mrs.

2008-08-27T16:40:00.006-06:00

I went home last week to join in the festivities for the weddings of one of my very closest friends, Jenny Ferguson. Jenny, who has been “technically” planning this wedding for a year (but those of us who know her well know she’s really been planning it since she was about 15 years old), did an amazing job of putting together one of the most beautiful weddings I’ve seen in a long time.

The wedding took place in the evening at St. Patrick’s Catholic Church in Portland. From there, we all ventured to the Aerie Golf Course in Happy Valley for the reception. The site was beautiful and everyone was able to enjoy the sunset while sipping on mojitos and munching on delicious cheese puffs and shrimp skewers.

Once the wedding party joined the group and Jenny and Mike were announced, we all sat down at tables adorned in orchids and ate a dinner of salmon, flank steak, salad, veggies, etc. Jenny’s Matron of Honor, Katie Fuller, gave one of the best speeches I’ve heard in a long time. She listed many of the things Jenny is scared of (banks, convenient stores, driving with me, etc.), but concluded that marrying Mike was one thing Jenny had never been scared to do.

From there, we cut the cake, threw the bouquet (which I didn’t catch AGAIN) and there was much dancing, drinking and fun had by all. CONGRATULATIONS to the new Mr. And Mrs. Mike Streb. I wish you nothing but happiness in the years to come. XOXO

Homeless Woman Attacks

2008-08-13T09:04:00.000-06:00

This has nothing to do with Montana and didn't even happen to me, but it's so crazy I just have to post it. My friend Katie in Portland was walking to her car from work in downtown Portland when a homeless woman walked by and slapped her in the face! Katie screamed and just started walking faster. Well, the woman decided she hadn't had enough, came running back, hit her again and tried to take her cell phone. Katie slapped her back and started running toward the car. The woman started chasing her, which is when Katie stabbed at her with her keys, got in the car and called 911.

WHAT??? One thing I can say for sure: that wouldn't happen in Missoula :).

Chicks n Chaps

2008-08-12T08:56:00.010-06:00

This weekend, Paige and I, along with our friends Christy, Kristi, Denise and Cori, participated in an event called Chicks n Chaps at the Western Montana State Fair. Chicks n Chaps is part of a larger initiative called Tough Enough to Wear Pink (http://www.toughenoughtowearpink.com/), a nationwide fundraiser in support of research, awareness, education, screening and treatment of breast cancer.

Almost 175 women signed up to participate in the event, which brought real cowboys together to teach all us women how to rope and ride. After some appetizers and a few Coors Lights, we were split up into groups and taken to three stations: bull riding, bronc riding and roping. Paige was the first one to ride the fake bull and did a fantastic job – much better than her mechanical bull showing at the DirecTV company party – and we both roped the plastic bull.

The best part about this whole thing was that we were BY FAR the youngest ones there. The true Missoula Cougars were out in full force, throwing their money at the cause. The High Priestess Cougar even paid $2,500 for a handmade Chicks n Chaps belt buckle. I raised my hand at $250 and felt good about that.

12 Coors Lights later, we were watching our cowboys compete in the rodeo from our VIP seating in the stands and cheering on our favorites (i.e. the ones with the tightest pants). Fun was had by all and I even got to touch a little cowboy butt :).

If Tough Enough to Wear Pink comes to a town near any of you, I highly recommend participating. The next fundraiser we’ll be attending is Huddles and Heels, where the Missoula Griz football team teaches all us naive women the ins and outs of the game (all while drinking several martinis). Some more pics from the event below. Happy Tuesday!

Fishin' in the Dark

2008-08-07T10:07:00.009-06:00

Soooo the Western Montana State Fair is in town and Paige, Justin and I took the opportunity to go see the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band last night. For those of you who don’t know, the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band has been together for over 40 years and sings the song, “Fishin’ in the Dark.” A true country bluegrass classic.

The entire night was fantastic – the concert took place out on a big field behind the fairgrounds and you brought a blanket and/or chairs and set up wherever. We got a spot near the back and then went out to grab some food and beers. I got to try something called a Viking, which is a sausage on a stick. Paige said that Vikings only show up at County Fairs and whatnot and that Missoula people went crazy for them, so I had to try one. They’re different from a corn dog because it’s not a hot dog inside, but rather this short, fat German sausage. Let’s be clear – meat on a stick is always delicious.

The thing that surprised me the most is how low-key and laid-back everything was. You bought tickets to buy beers and then you could get as many beers as you wanted at one time (they’d just put them in a big bag for you) and then could carry them anywhere. If this would have been a concert at the Gorge or the Rose Garden, we would have only been able to order one at a time and then we would have had to stay in the “Beer Garden” and if you wanted beer inside the concert, you would have had to wait in the HUGE line inside and then paid $8 for a PBR. The casual air of “whatever” that was following us was very refreshing.

A couple things I learned about concerts at the Fair:

1. If it’s a country concert, watch out for the die-hard fans. Nitty Gritty Dirt Band has been around forever and attracts fans of all ages. There were old people in the stands screaming and lifting their shirts up, girls from high school in tube tops, short shorts and stilettos dancing by the stage, and a group of intense hippies who happened to end up right next to us. They were flinging themselves around all night doing what I assume they though was dancing and yelling, “Woooooo, Doggy!” over and over and over again. I would have been pissed off if it weren’t so amusing. I managed to capture a photo of one of them by pretending to take a picture of Paige:

2. People will THROW DOWN if you mess with them in the Porta-Potty line. There were ten Porta-Pottys set up for the concert and three lines of people. This left three stalls for each line and one wild card. Two things kept consistently happening: 1. Little kids would skip the entire line. I’m sorry, but OH NO YOU DON’T. Just because you are 7 years old and have a smaller bladder than me, you think that gives you the right to cut the line? I’ve had four Coors Light’s, Kid! Talk to me when we’re on the same level. 2. People in the line next to us would take the wild card bathroom every time. This was okay until one girl tried to go for one of our three stalls. This is unacceptable to Paige and me and so we’re like, “Ummmm – I don’t think so! That’s our stall!” Then the whole line starts yelling and then ALL the lines are yelling at her. AND SHE GOES IN ANYWAY! People started screaming about how they were going to tip her over and we’re laughing thinking it’s all in good fun (except it was really inappropriate that she still went in. Who does that? Super ballsy) until we hear really angry yelling coming from two lines over and an old man screaming, “What? You think you’re better than us? We’re all the same here!” Turns out a group of middle aged drunk men tried to form their own line up at the front. They were successfully heckled away. Lesson learned: Wait for your turn in the Porta-Potty line, keep quiet, and stick to your own stalls.

A great evening, indeed. Oh – and I tried to buy a cowboy hat with pink accents on it and Justin wouldn’t hear of it. So he just took our picture instead:

Good times!!

I ate a bee

2008-08-04T14:43:00.002-06:00

So I've just realized that in the months since I moved here, I've been exposed to more bugs than I was in the last 5 years or so. I've gotten upwards of 100 mosquito bites, a couple bites from some kind of weird "black fly" and everyone keeps talking about the massive Hobo Spiders. Um, no thank you.

In the midst of all of this, Paige tells me about her fears of spiders crawling into her pajamas at night and Brandon sends me this: http://www.barefootfoodie.com/2008/07/last-place-youd-look.html (FYI - this is PG-13. Maybe even rated R).

So last night we go out to the house our friend Joe is housesitting for on Blue Mountain for a BBQ. I go to put something in the freezer and there is a HUGE black widow in a plastic bag. Whattttt??? Apparently, Joe had it in the freezer for one of his classes. Spider identification or some crap. Right next to the food - bleh.

So THEN Paige and I go outside to jump on the trampoline (which, by the way, is MUCH HARDER now that I’m an adult. I was all winded and sweaty. Awkward.) and I put my beer down by the fence. Then, when we’re done, we go back in and I go to take a drink of my beer. I feel something in my mouth and it feels weird. I think it might be a piece of lime so I spit it out in my hand. I ATE A BEE. A BEE WAS IN MY MOUTH. Fuzzy and kind of crunchy and completely disgusting. Suddenly there’s beer all over the floor and I’m screaming in typical Lizzie fashion and dashing for the bathroom to wash my mouth out. Disgusting. So if any of you come to visit me, bring lots of Benadryl and be prepared to get some extra protein in your diet.

Lauren Visits Missoula

2008-07-28T13:20:00.010-06:00

Happy Monday to all – I’m having a hard time getting started today. Lauren, our good friend from college, drove from Seattle on Thursday night to visit for the weekend. This meant a long weekend of drinking, eating and generally being more social than usual.

Friday night brought a nice dinner out and bar hopping until we got to the Mo Club (where I met Bill Clinton). I recently got my ass handed to me playing pool and, as the person I was playing with pointed out, it is very odd for me to be that bad at something since I am typically a very competitive person. If I know I’m really bad at it (volleyball, basketball, football. Team sports in general), I usually just won’t play. So, at the Mo Club, Justin was nice enough to spend a significant amount of time trying to teach me to be a better pool player. Some things I learned:

1. Jewelry tends to get in the way of making a good shot. Rings, necklaces, watches, etc.
2. It is not okay to sit on the table. However, it is allowed and, from what I can tell, ENCOURAGED, to lay on the table to reach the proper angle. Good thing I was wearing pants is all I have to say.
3. It is not okay to miss a shot, get angry at the ball (the green ball, specifically) and throw your pool stick down.
4. It is not okay to drink around the pool table. Especially if you like to use your Corona bottle to point at things.

All of these things helped Paige and me to win two games that night. I even carried the team for one of those games (Paige was distracted).

Saturday was pretty low key, but we went to a nice dinner and bar hopped again, ending up dancing the night away at Stockman’s, as usual. This big bartender from Mo Club, who we had hung out with several times, showed up at Stocks and I got way too excited and tried to make him dance with me. Yaaaa – he literally ran away. In discussing it the next day, Paige came to the conclusion that we were just on “different drinking levels.” I think that’s right up there with, “He’s just not that into you.” But I wasn’t trying to hit on him! He’s just really nice and reminded me of my brother, Will. Ah well, another lesson learned.

Sunday we went for my first float trip. Floating down the river during the summer is HUGE here. You’re constantly seeing signs for places to buy tubes and the roads are full of big trucks with beds full of tubes. So we blew up some tubes, Justin strapped the canoe on top of the truck and off we went to the Bitterroot River. Paige, Lauren and I floated on tubes, Justin and Jackson floated in the canoe and Wyatt swam alongside everyone in his lifejacket. The Black Foot River is the most popular floating river and is apparently full of groups of unruly drunks. We hardly saw anyone else on the Bitterroot, but there were definitely times we needed to paddle just to move anywhere. Definitely no whitewater here…

We ended the weekend with an evening at the Missoula Osprey game (our AAA baseball team). Bud Light, hot dogs (ya, the diet died this weekend) and a few hours scrutinizing a team of 18-23 year olds in tight white pants. Kind of a Cougar’s dream :). We ended up losing in the 14th inning, but it was still a great way to spend the evening.

Hope everyone had a great weekend! And a big Happy Late Birthday to Emily.

Grizzly Attacks

2008-07-23T11:49:00.002-06:00

Due to my recent backpacking experience, I have become much more aware of the presence of bears. However, I still have no idea what to do if I ever saw one. So a big thanks goes to Alyson for sending me this:

http://encarta.msn.com/quiz_322/grizzly_safety_quiz.html?GT1=27004

It's a quiz on what to do to avoid coming face to face with a bear and what to do it it does happen. Good knowledge for everyone. I missed 5, which gives me a 60% chance of surviving. Better than nothing. Big thanks to Alyson for looking out for me in the wilderness!

Crocs are an Abomination of Footwear

2008-07-23T09:53:00.006-06:00

This has nothing to do with Montana (other than the fact that people here wear them) but a friend just sent this to me and it is the most sage advice/writing I've read in a long time:

Before I begin, I should warn you that I know dick about fashion. It's not just a clever title to get your attention, though it's admittedly clever (I'm honest enough to admit when something is brilliant, even when it's my own writing).

You shouldn't read this article if you're a woman with low self-esteem. I don't need my inbox filled with emails from teary-eyed women reaffirming how astute my observations are by shrieking at me for ruining their lives.

Women get away with murder in our society, especially when it comes to the visual pollution they call fashion. So I'm going to do what few people—few men—have ever done by criticizing you. Sure, you may be thinking "but Maddox, people criticize women's fashion all the time!" Yes, but not men, and definitely not badasses like me.... Until now.

When I see people wearing Crocs, I know immediately that we have nothing in common, and that we could never be friends or have any meaningful kind of relationship. They come in every color imaginable yet look bad with every other article of clothing ever created. The only thing that goes with Crocs is social ostracism.

To their credit though, Crocs serve as an excellent idiot barometer; you can tell a lot about people wearing them. For example, Amazon.com suggest products that other customers have purchased based on the item you're shopping for. Here are the suggestions for Crocs:

When it comes to shoes, there are usually three deciding factors: quality, price, and style. Some shoes are cheap and stylish, but poor quality, while others are stylish and durable, but expensive. Crocs usually go for $30-$60, which doesn't sound like much for a shoe, until you consider that what you're really paying for are melted pellets squirted into a cast-iron mold in some province in China. Crocs have the rare combination of being expensive, poor quality, and ugly. It's quite a feat for one shoe to suck this bad.

People who wear Crocs go on and on about how comfortable they are, and how it's supposedly odor resistant because it's made out of some kind of anti-bacterial foam. Great point, dipshits! You know what else it's resistant to? You getting laid. Then as if the shoes weren't disgusting enough, Crocs introduced a product called "Crocs butter" that's supposed to restore that illustrious injection-molded sheen to those gaping holes they call shoes:

You know that feeling you get when you're full and slightly nauseous and you burp and you can taste the partly digested food in the back of your throat? There isn't a word in the english language to succinctly describe it, but I will hereby refer to it as: croc-butter.

For more from this genius, visit http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=fashion. Admittedly, I like/wear most of the other things he talks about (Mom and Dad, probably not for you :)).

Jackson is still alive

2008-07-21T14:57:00.000-06:00

I just realized that post didn't include one picture of the dogs, both of whom did FAR better than the three humans. Below is a picture of a bedraggled-looking Jackson and a video of Wyatt rolling around in the dirt:

“That hike is so easy you could do it in the dark”

2008-07-21T14:00:00.000-06:00

So, in my quest to become more in tune with nature and learn to do more outdoorsy things, I agreed to accompany Paige and Justin on a backpacking trip to Little Rock Creek Lake, which is about an hour and a half outside of Missoula near Lake Como. I left work a bit early on Friday and headed home so we could leave right at 5pm. After changing into my “hiking clothes,” we finished packing up our stuff and headed out. We were a bit late leaving and things continued to go downhill from there. First, there was a fire in Lolo, which backed up traffic. Then there was construction in Stevensville, which delayed us even more. Then Justin realized he didn’t have any clips on the waistband of his backpack, so we had to stop by a sporting goods store (which didn’t have the right size – more on that later). By the time we found the trailhead and got our packs on, it was 8pm.

Let me add a little context here before we go any further… I have NEVER been backpacking before. My mom says that’s not true and that we backpacked when I was little near Cultus Lake, but even then they had to bribe me with Skittles the whole way and I seem to have completely blocked the entire experience. I have enjoyed camping the few times I’ve gone but, much like my good friend Katie, my idea of camping involves a roller suitcase full of beer and an air mattress. So when Paige told me we were backpacking in and then camping, I said yes more to prove to myself that I could do it than because I actually had a deep desire to lug a huge backpack around for 10 miles. Anyway – I have no experience with backpacking, but even I know that it starts getting dark at 9:30pm and is pitch black at 10:15pm. That would mean that we would need to hike just under 5 miles in less than 2 hours. Even then, we’d be setting up camp in the dark. But Justin had faith that we could make it in time so off we went.

Now, this hike had been chosen because our good friend Joe Blattner had told Justin that it was “super easy,” that he had “hiked it with his mom” and that anyone could easily “do this hike in the dark.” The hiking book classified the hike as moderate and described some pretty tough terrain. But we took Joe’s word for it. I mean, if his MOM could do it, why couldn’t we? We found out soon enough that Joe is either a HUGE LIAR or his mom is one tough cookie. This was not so much a hike, as an obstacle course. The majority of the trail is part of a Wilderness Area, which means no motorized vehicles of any kind can enter, which means no roads, no bridges, no nothing. This left us climbing steep rock walls, stepping over dozens of fallen trees and fording up to twenty or so streams and creeks. Sometimes we were on the trail, sometimes we were just off-roading it.

As expected, come 9:30pm it starts getting dark. I’m a little concerned but Justin keeps telling us that if it gets too dark we’ll just set up camp in a clearing by the side of the trail. About 9:45pm we head into a forested area. In my mind, this forest was a straight-up Blair Witch, Princess Bride, completely FREAKY forest. I was already creeped out enough by the “trail markers” (i.e. Blair Witch rocks), but to make matters worse now I can’t see, we’re wading through fast-flowing creeks, I’m having to carry Jackson (who so far had been a ROCK STAR) and then the worst of the worst happens – Justin goes DOWN. Justin is our leader, our captain. The only one who knows at all what he’s doing and all of a sudden he’s laying on the trail with horrible leg cramps. Justin had the heaviest pack by far and was carrying all the weight on his shoulders since his hip strap was broken. Paige, being an excellent wife, took control (while I’m fighting back tears for the 3rd time) and switched packs with Justin so we could keep moving and get out of the trees.

Once we were out, we found a clearing and immediately set up camp. I had been warned that this was bear country (there was a sign about it at the trailhead and Justin always has bear spray on him, but it was really put into perspective for me while we were hoisting all our food into the trees and peeing half a mile from camp so the bears wouldn’t smell us. So now there’s the Blair Witch AND bears to worry about. So we all pile into the tent with the dogs and try to sleep. But of course I can’t sleep because 1. I’m terrified 2. I’m sleeping on the ground 3. It’s freezing cold 4. Animals are walking around outside our tent. Do I sound like a baby yet? It will get worse. I took a picture right before we went to sleep just to prove that we had made it and were still alive so far...

So the morning finally arrives. Justin has been up for a long time, has purified some water for us and is cooking breakfast. Everyone feels much better in the daylight and we were all pleasantly surprised to find that we had set up camp in a gorgeous location next to a creek and surrounded by mountains. After we ate and packed up camp, we hiked the remaining quarter of a mile to Little Rock Creek Lake. The lake was incredibly scenic and spilled over on one side in gorgeous waterfalls that almost looked man made. Paige and I changed into our swimsuits and laid out by the waterfalls with the dogs while Justin did some fly-fishing. I wanted nothing more after a few hours of relaxation then to get dressed, get in a car and drive home. But NOOOO, we have a five-mile hike ahead of us to get home.

The hike back was long, but was mostly downhill and was light the whole way. We didn’t really talk much – all of us just wanted to get back to the car and have it all be over. Justin’s back and shoulders were really hurting him and Paige was in serious danger of losing a toenail. I had rolled my ankle upwards of 10 times and was weaving dangerously along the trail. Finally, we think we’re getting close but what we all forgot was that to get into the valley that led to Little Rock Creek Lake, we had to hike down a steep hill for quite a while. And that means we had to hike back UP that hill to get out. This wasn’t a normal hike up hill. This was a fricking alpine trek. Paige is very good at just walking steadily along uphill, whereas I have bursts of energy and then have to rest every 20 feet or so. She eventually left me and, as I turned to look uphill for the 40th time, I felt ridiculously nauseas and vomited on the spot. It was kind of like red water, which concerned me. I mean, I’d had red bell peppers earlier in the day but it just as easily could have been blood. We’ll never know for sure…

Three and a half hours later, we were back in the car with the air conditioner blasting, drinking gallons of water and checking the dog’s breathing to make sure they were still alive. Overall, there were some good moments. There were also some frustrating moments. And some terrifying moments. Definitely a memorable 24 hours if nothing else. My goal for the next few weeks is to find a book entitled “Super Easy Montana Backpacking Trips.” Then maybe, MAYBE, we’ll give this backpacking thing another go.

Hunter and his Fish

2008-07-18T10:34:00.000-06:00

Happy Friday! One of the office dogs, Hunter, today discovered that there were fish in the fish tank and has now become obsessed. I took a short video so you could all enjoy it:

Too bad Jackson's not tall enough to see them! :)

The M Burns (not really)

2008-07-17T11:52:00.000-06:00

So I forgot to mention that while I was gone, a 7 and 8 year old were playing with matches on the hill near the M and ignited a fire at the bottom of Mount Sentinel. The fire quickly spread up the mountain, but no homes were burned and the M is still intact. The kid’s parents now have to pay over $225,000 in fees because their stupid children decided it would be fun to light a phone book on fire. Riiiiigggghhhhht – anyone rethinking that whole kid thing yet? Some amazing pics below…

Portland friends!

2008-07-17T11:32:00.000-06:00

The rest of my week was filled with visiting friends and wedding stuff. I will share with all of you my HORROR at realizing that my bridesmaid dress for Jenny’s wedding no longer fits. One year ago, I fit happily into the dress in the store:

Two Sundays ago I had to lay down on the bed so Jenny could attempt to zip me up (like when you’re too fat to zip up your pants) and then it was so tight I couldn’t bend to get up and she had to pull me up like a mummy. I look like a stuffed sausage waddling around like a penguin. I am going to be SO HOT walking down the aisle. So, because it obviously can’t look like this for the actual day, I’m going make you all suffer with me as I hardcore diet for a month. And that means no drinking! NOOOOOO.

Good thing I fit in enough of it over the last couple days… below are some friend pics. Miss you all already!

Cultus Lake

2008-07-17T10:55:00.000-06:00

The second week in July always brings the same thing: the annual family vacation to Cultus Lake. Kim and Brian finally returned from Peru (for those of you not keeping up on their travels, their amazing blog can be found at www.kimybrian.blogspot.com) and it was so great to see them. After making the long drive from Montana on Sunday, Jackson and I got back on the car on Monday morning and headed out. Cultus, for those of you who don’t know, is about 30 minutes past Sunriver along the Cascade Lakes Highway. I haven’t missed a year at the Lake in all my 27 years.

The week brought lots of skiing and wakeboarding, reading, swimming and hanging out with the family. In addition to the five Bennett’s and Brian, my Aunt Karen and Uncle Bill were there, along with my Uncle John and Aunt Tammy. I decided to up my wakeboarding game this year and use my brother’s fancy wakeboard with no scags and a very wide stance. Needless to say, there was a large learning curve. Good thing Brian was there with him new fancy camera to capture it in detail:

Good times. But as bad as I can be, other members of my family are amazing:

Jackson, as always, had a great time swimming and chasing the ball. He ended up running the skin off his paws by the end of the week and could hardly walk around. Poor Pantsy. I’m just bummed it’s already over!

4th of July

2008-07-17T10:18:00.000-06:00

It’s been a long time since I’ve written, but so many things have been happening! So there will be a rash of blog entries today and we’ll start with the 4th of July…

My second friend to visit, Danny, flew in to Missoula on the 3rd. My friend and client from Autodesk, Noah, and his wife Elizabeth and their dog Glacier soon joined him, along with my friend Sarah who was on her way to Flathead Lake to visit friends. I only have one guest room in my house so it made for some crowded living, but it wouldn’t have been nearly as bad if it weren’t 103 DEGREES. Thankfully, no one is living in the basement apartment at my house right now so we just took the dogs down there, sat on the floor and drank Coronas in the nice coolness.

Thursday night, Paige, Justin and I took my guests out on the town for dinner and some drinking. Friday we woke up, grabbed some breakfast and made the drive to Seeley Lake. From there, we did one of my favorite hikes, which ends at a large waterfall. The walk was SO HOT and full of mosquitoes (I already looked like I had scabies on my legs because of all the bites – I know Deet is bad for you, but sometimes it’s necessary), but it was totally worth it once we got to the waterfall. The water is running so high right now that the waterfall was much larger than usual and cooled the air at least 40 degrees.

Saturday morning Noah and Elizabeth got up early to make the long drive to Glacier National Park and Danny and I met Sarah and her friend Dominic at Flathead Lake to go whitewater rafting on the lower Flathead. The float would usually take about 3 hours and include class 3-5 rapids. But the water was running so high that a lot of the rapids were washed out and we finished the trip in under two hours. Still a really good time, though. REALLY hot raft guides. And, in sticking with my dedication to Cougardom, they were all around 18 years old.

Sunday Danny was nice enough to make the 9-hour drive with me and, as usual, I got turned around in the Tri-Cities and added an hour to the trip. Danny also put up with the book on CD I bought that I thought would be good for both of us, Are you there, vodka? It’s me, Chelsea. Turns out it’s a lot of women-focused dirty stories about drinking, sex and midgets (sometimes all three at once) but Danny was a trooper and even laughed along with me sometimes…
Thanks to Danny, Sarah, Noah and Elizabeth for making the long trip to Montana. I love having friends visit!

Wyatt is a frog hunter

2008-06-23T11:58:00.000-06:00

Video of Jackson fording the river (that one's for Kelda, Amy and Alyson) and Wyatt doing the death shake on a poor bullfrog while on our walk on Blue Mountain yesterday. We passed this really creepy house with hundreds of little angel statues everywhere. I would have taken photos of it, but I didn't want the owners to come running out with shotguns. Enjoy!

I'm a Cougar in Missoula

2008-06-23T11:45:00.001-06:00

So this last Friday was Paige’s 27th birthday. We had a big BBQ at Paige and Justin’s (where the mosquitoes were quite literally attacking us) and then headed downtown. We went to three bars: The Rhino, Red’s and Stockman’s. At all three bars, Paige would tell people it was her birthday and they would inevitably ask how old she was. She would answer that she was 27. We got the exact same reaction wherever we went: shock and mild disgust. “Oh… really? I’m 23 (24, 25, etc.).” Then they would slowly turn and try to get the attention of one of their friends so they could sneakily stop chatting with us. Having been 27 for almost nine months now, I was especially offended by this obvious and ridiculous agism. In Portland (and anywhere NORMAL AND NOT A COLLEGE TOWN) 27 is not old. 27 is established, attractive, professional, etc. but definitely not old. But the one thing that was made glaringly clear to me in the last three days is that, in Missoula, I am officially a Cougar.

For those of you who don’t know – a Cougar is an old woman who preys on younger men. This is easy to do here because the University students are inevitably at the same bars as us and have most likely been drinking large quantities of alcohol. If I actually WAS a Cougar and wanted to take advantage of the situation, it would be like taking candy from a baby (literally). I think the situation infuriated me even more because our friend Tom (who actually calls himself T. Rex), is 42, has never been married, is very successful and is quite the catch. But he is CONSTANTLY surrounded by 21 year olds and has even dated women younger than that. So fine. If T. Rex can do it and not be called ridiculous names or be looked on as a dangerous predator, so can I. If the normal aged men think I’m OLD (gets more ridiculous the more I say it), I’m going to start dating 18 year olds. No one older than 20. I’ve decided to just embrace whatever Cougar vibe I’m putting out there and see where it takes me. The way I see it, there are actually quite a few pros that could come from this situation:

1. 18 year old men have not yet developed beer bellies or started balding
2. 18 year old men have plenty of time to spend with you because THEY’RE STILL IN SCHOOL
3. 18 year old men are still being supported by their parents (I realize this could be a con, but I really enjoyed it when I was still supported by MY parents)
4. 18 year old men can’t come to the bars with you, which means I can go out an have a good time with my friends WITHOUT the guilt of not spending time with my significant other

Now, there are also plenty of cons to this plan. I’ve dated a younger man so I know it might not be for me. Some of the other cons include:

1. The possibility of several roommates (or, let’s be clear, a FRATERNITY HOUSE full of roommates)
2. An 18 year old body, which would bring me back to the days of 2 times a day workouts and a generally fat free diet just to feel like we were on equal footing
3. The internal shame of dating someone younger than my brother
4. The embarrassment that would come from reading about his first DUI in the Sunday Missoulian
5. The fact that he might still be carrying his photo from prom in his wallet
6. Dealing with the drama of sorority girls AGAIN
7. Long nights helping him edit his English papers

Now I’m kind of second guessing my decision. Thoughts from all of you? Younger? Older? Or maybe I’ll just become Justin’s second wife and be done with this whole thing…

Finally some sun!

2008-06-16T09:48:00.001-06:00

Happy Monday! We finally got some nice weather here and spent a lot of time outdoors, which made Jackson very happy. Yesterday, Paige, Justin and I drove to Rock Creek (or Rock Crick as someone told me on Friday night) so Justin could do some fishing and Paige and I could take the dogs for a hike. Apparently it's salmon fly season, which is huge for fishermen and brings people from all over the place to fish the Montana rivers. It is also the season for Morel Mushroom hunting. People came out in droves all weekend to hunt for them at all the burn sites by Rock Creek. Since neither Paige or I like mushrooms, we stuck to the hiking.

As everyone knows, I am very protective of Jackson. Maybe too protective. So Paige forced me to let Jackson do all the things I normally never would have let him do. For example, we crossed two bridges that I typically would have carried him over. This makes total sense to me because the rivers are RAGING right now from all the rain we've been getting and, God forbid, if he were to fall in, there would be nothing we could do. But I let him do it himself and he made it across just fine. There were also times I would have carried him over logs, down rough terrain, and through streams, but he did it all himself and had a great time. My baby is growing up and as a mom I have to let go... :) So now for two of my favorite dog pictures EVER. We got to a place in the creek where the water wasn't running too quickly and we were throwing sticks for the dogs so they could cool down in the water. For those of you who haven't seen Jackson swim, it's pretty hilarious. Jackson would swim as hard as he could to get to the stick, but Wyatt just bounded over him and happily took it away. Needless to say, both of them were soaking wet, which led to the following:

I honestly feel like framing these, they amuse me so much. Anyway, a few hours later, we met back up with Justin (who didn't catch anything, but had a good time trying), had some lunch and headed home.

I hope everyone else had a great weekend and enjoyed the nice weather! And Happy Late Father's Day, Dad :)

Just call me Super Model

2008-06-13T08:48:00.000-06:00

So I posted this picture on Facebook and people seem to be very confused, so I thought here was a good a place as any to explain what's going on. First Security Bank, one of our clients at Spiker had a model cancel last minute for a photo shoot and they asked me if I could fill in. But I was wearing a skirt, turtle neck, nylons and heels, so they mande me go home and change so I looked more "Montana" :). The photo is for an ad around "free checking, free stuff" and here I'm holding all the free stuff you could get if you opened an account with First Security:

Yes, that's an oversized thermometer and yes, that is an American flag. We are very patriotic here. And I ended up choosing the baking sheets because Montana has domesticated me. Or just because I love brownies...

Snow in June

2008-06-10T10:00:00.001-06:00

It is June 10th and it is snowing in Missoula. I'm looking out my window right now at huge flakes pouring down. I can only hope this means there won't be too many 100+ degree days later this summer.

I hope the weather in other parts of the country (Gena? Snowing in Houston?) is better than this...

Springtime in Missoula

2008-06-09T11:29:00.000-06:00

I know it’s almost the middle of June and I should be writing about all the beautiful sunny weather we’re having, but it’s been pretty dark and rainy here lately. This past Sunday I was house sitting at the Brown house on Blue Mountain and the sun broke through in the afternoon. Their property is GORGEOUS and I thought I’d share some pics of the beautiful scenery. Enjoy!

UPDATE: Billy NOOOOOO!

2008-06-02T16:50:00.000-06:00

I guess it could have been me: http://perezhilton.com/2008-06-02-bill-clinton-has-another-affair.

And yes, I posted the link to the Perez Hilton article instead of the Vanity Fair one. Perez is like my CNN.

I MET BILL CLINTON

2008-06-02T08:50:00.000-06:00

So I’m pretty sure that anyone who reads this knows that I have an unnatural and undying love for Bill Clinton. Go ahead, judge me if you like, but I LOVE HIM. I think he’s so amazing and was pretty much rooting for Hillary because Bill would have been involved in the presidency again (there were other reasons, but still). So Saturday night I was out with some friends headed to a bar called Red’s and we walked by the Mo Club (where I did all the Irish Car Bombs) and it was unusually packed. I take another look and everyone inside has their cell phones out and they’re taking pictures of something. Ever the curious (and star-struck) person, we go in to check it out.

It takes me about 30 seconds to realize that the person eating a burger at the back of the bar is BILL CLINTON. I immediately (and audibly) squealed and unceremoniously pushed my way through the locals and hoochie college girls to be up in front by him. Perfect timing because as soon as I did, he stood up to go to the bar. And I met him. And shook his hand. And had a drink. And when I shook his hand, in typical uncool fashion, I said “It’s nice to meet you. Ohmygodthisissoinsane…” He laughed and everyone got a drink and he just chatted with everyone and was so amazing. He has very, very white hair, is kind of pudgy and looks very old. I left the bar visibly shaking. This would be on the same level as me meeting Piercy (Pierce Brosnan for those of you who couldn't decipher that) or Justin Timberlake. JT PEOPLE! I almost threw myself off a balcony at his concert just so he'd feel bad and come visit me in the hospital. Same level. I might even give Bill the edge since he was THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. But I still want to marry Justin Timberlake. Or maybe just press up against him for a bit. Truly a life goal realized and I still can’t believe it happened.

And that is the worst picture of me EVER, taken with a camera phone pic when we were leaving and I don't even care that I'm sharing it. Bask in the glory that is Bill and Lizzie.

The number one question I’ve gotten so far is, “did he hit on you.” No people, he did not. But if he had, well, let’s not go there :)… Here’s the link to the article in The Missoulian about it:

http://www.missoulian.com/articles/2008/06/02/news/local/news02.txt.

The rest of the weekend was full of beautiful weather, hikes with the dogs, a birthday BBQ and lawn work. As if anything else from the weekend even matters.

Stop Staring at Us!: Memorial Day Weekend Part 2

2008-05-28T10:53:00.001-06:00

Okey dokey, back for round 2 of the big weekend...

Okay, so who has heard of the Cracker Barrel? Anyone? There must be some people because apparently it’s extremely popular at highway turn-offs and airport hotels all over the country. Alyson, upon arriving, gave me a hug and told me that she had seen a Cracker Barrel off Exit 101 and that we would be going as soon as possible. What? Cracker Barrel? Having no idea what this place was, I just assumed I must have been somewhere similar in my life since a restaurant with a name like Cracker Barrel has to have a location SOMEWHERE in Eastern Oregon (I was thinking similar to the Round Up in Condon. Kelda, Amy, Alyson, Paige, Lauren – you all know exactly what I’m talking about)… Ooohhhhh, but I was so wrong. The next morning we get up and Alyson is immediately dressed and ready to go get to the good old CB. We drive up and the first thing I notice is the rocking chairs and oversized checkers sets that cover the front porch. I laugh, Alyson says its normal here, and we go inside. No one would call the inside of this place normal. I was in no way prepared for the visual assault the Cracker Barrel would wage on my corneas. It was like everything corny, cheesy, tacky, sugary and most of all AMERICAN was stuffed into one tiny little room. Ceramic American flag lamp anyone? Frog on a swing? “Nostalgic” candy? All available for purchase. And, don’t forget your country rocker. How I’ve missed out on the ridiculous that is this restaurant/country store for 27 years is beyond me, but the pancakes were quite good.

So after breakfast I have the absolutely brilliant idea to hike the “M.” The “M,” for those of you who don’t know, is located above the University on the west face of Mount Sentinel has been a Missoula landmark since 1908, when Forestry Club members forged a zigzag trail up the mountain and students carried up stones to shape the symbol of the University of Montana. From the first time I ever visited Paige in Missoula, I’ve heard about how hiking the “M” is a rite of passage for people who live here. But anyone who knows me knows if I’m on vacation there is no working out. Please.

In 1912, a wooden letter replaced the one made of stone. When the wooden "M" was blown off the mountain (ha – isn’t that a funny mental picture?) in 1915, it was replaced with a more permanent, larger stone "M." That structure remained until 1968, when it was replaced with the concrete "M" that’s there today. I asked a local if they flew in the concrete, but no. It was hauled up slowly in buckets (seriously can’t even imagine this).

So since I am no longer on vacation and now call Missoula my home, I decided it was time to make the trek. And to take Alyson with me. The trail is less than a mile long but you have to climb a steep, zigzag path with 11 switchbacks and you gain 620 feet in elevation. As you get higher, the view expands to include all of Missoula, the valley, the Clark Fork River and distant mountains. After about 10 minutes I was done and felt really lucky to have Wyatt with me to help pull me up the hill. Making it even worse were the dozens of people RUNNING up the hill. Whatever – we made it and it was so great! It felt like a really big accomplishment and now I was beginning to feel like a true Missoulian. Jackson and Wyatt frolicked all along the switchbacks and had a great time.

So the day moves on, we take a nap, and go to dinner at Scotty’s Table, which is my favorite restaurant in Missoula. From there, we headed to Sean Kelley’s and met up with my friend Dave. This is where it starts to get awkward. Alyson, who I love DEARLY, came into Montana thinking (as I’m sure I did when I first started visiting) that she would be more attractive than most of the Montanan women. So we sit down at Sean Kelley’s with Dave and Alyson keeps commenting on this table of old men who she says is staring at her. After about 10 minutes of this, I look over and catch the eye of one of them and he says hi and I say hi. To get what I assume to be the inevitable over with, I say, “would you please stop staring at my friend?” and he says, “who do you think I’m staring at?” and I point at Alyson. Then he says, “Ummm… no, I’m staring at the girl back by the window.” OH MY GOD THAT DID NOT JUST HAPPEN. Yep, one big old slap to everyone’s ego later, we’re off the next bar. Where it happened again. Alyson, apparently undeterred by the smack down we received at Sean Kelley’s, thought a group of younger men were staring at her and said something to them, to which they replied, “We’re watching Nascar on the TV behind you.” Just so everyone knows – Alyson and I have since had a good chuckle about this and she said there was no way I couldn’t write about it on the blog. All in all, a quality evening.

After breakfast and some shopping Monday morning, we decide to take in a little more nature and head to Blue Mountain, near where my friend Dawson grew up and his parents still live. I had a lovely dinner with Bill and Lynda Brown a few weekends ago on their beautiful property and have been wanting to explore more of Blue Mountain ever since. So we found a trail where the dogs could be off-leash and headed out. We hiked to the top of the hill, stared at the beautiful view, played with the dogs and drank champagne. Yes, in the middle of the day. It was a holiday...

Now Alyson is gone and it’s back to work and life for me. Oh! And Jackson ate bee yesterday and his face was all swollen. Sorry, no photos. Paige and Justin come home next Thursday and the weather is taking a sunny turn, so I really have nothing to complain about… except I miss everyone! Obviously you can tell that people who come to visit get the royal treatment so get on a plane and come see me!

Thanks for the ummm...yeah: Memorial Day Weekend Part 1

2008-05-27T09:26:00.000-06:00

Happy Tuesday! So I had an excellent long weekend and thought I would share, but a lot happened in the last three days so I will be posting in two different blogs.

My good friend Alyson Angelo came to visit for the weekend, which was very exciting - she's my first friend from home to come stay. Alyson didn't come in to town until Saturday morning and Friday night I went out to a bar called the Montana Club with Amanda, the girl who works for me, her brother and his friends. They asked me what I wanted to drink and I, of course, said chilled Patron. But that is apparently not a Montana drink and what was put in front of me instead was an Irish Car Bomb which, for those of you who don't know, is Guinness, whiskey and Bailey's. I have spent my whole life avoiding this drink but there we were in a very Montana bar and all these men were watching me and judging. Suddenly I hear Paige and Justin in my head telling me I better just smile, take it and pretend that I like it if I ever want to fit in (FYI, this goes for hunting, too. If you're talking to a boy and they're talking about how much they love hunting and killing animals and cooking their flesh DO NOT do what I did, which is make a disgusted face and say something along the lines of "ewwwwwww." They don't appreciate it...). So I took it and smiled and thanked them and before I know it, four (possibly five - it's fuzzy) Car Bombs have been consumed and I'm being asked out on a date by a man I will refer to as The Jockey. I call him this because he is TINY. I'm thinking about 5'5'', 120 pounds. Really cute, but just extremely petite. I told myself when I moved here that I needed to be more open-minded about dating and that if/when someone asks me out, I will give it a shot. Paige and I have since amended this to exclude married men, college fraternity boys and men missing limbs. I still think I'm being extremely open-minded...

So anyway, The Jockey asks me out and it's almost comical. I was sitting on a bar stool so I stand up. You all know I was wearing at least 4-inch heels and looking down at him, I just wanted to pick him up and hug him so his little legs dangled above the floor. But, true to my word, I said yes so everyone should expect a hilarious post about that date at a later time.

So Alyson ends up getting into Missoula around 2:30pm (she had to drive from Spokane) and I show her around the house and the town. It was raining, which was too bad, but we went and got some lunch and did some shopping. For as small a town as this is, there are some really excellent clothing boutiques. At one of those boutiques they were selling what appeared to be a newsboy hat with ear flaps but the top part of it was grey fur:

This seems to be a trend with college kids here, as Paige and I have seen SEVERAL girls out at the bars wearing jean mini skirts, tube tops, Uggs and these hats. The only thing I could imagine that would be any better would be something along these lines:

But unfortunately I have yet to lay eyes on something this awesome. These girls are wearing these hats with such blatant confidence that it's making me feel out of the fashion loop and I'm not 100% sure I won't be wearing one of these all winter. They do look warm...

Soo... that night Amanda came over and the three of us went and had dinner and drinks at a couple different bars. James Bar, the bar that's pretty much straight out of the Pearl in Portland, was packed and we did some good people watching. And in this time, Alyson and I decided that if James Bar was the nicest bar in Missoula, that we needed to buy a bar, gut it, and make it AWESOME. I've had this thought before because there are only a certain number of liquor licences allowed in Missoula, so if you own a bar/restaurant with a liquor licence, there is no way you can't do well. Plus, people here just really like to drink. This idea was cemented when I found out my favorite bar/club EVER, Stockman's is for sale (for $3.5 million). Now to find investors...

We ended the night at Amanda's house in the hottub with a bunch of her friends. The weekend included a lot more that I will share with you all later, but expect a blog about the Cracker Barrel, hiking the M, amateur night at the Fox Club and champagne on Blue Mountain...

Jackson is a Hunter

2008-05-16T11:03:00.000-06:00

That's right. Montana has rubbed off on Jackson and he's killing things. He's working his way up slowly, kiling smaller animals and ripping their insides out to show me. So far he's killed a rabbit, a chicken, something I couldn't recognize and another dog.

Today it was a squirrel and a kitten.

Granted, they didn't run or put up too much of a struggle. Just the occasional squeek here and there. Even now, he plays with their deflated little bodies, flinging them rapidly from side to side while his slobber goes flying onto the legs of innocent bystanders. He's currently having his way with a large monkey. No, monkeys are not native to Montana, but still worth killing in Jackson's eyes:

Look at how pleased he is with himself...

On another note, I've taken a few pics of my new office and the cool trout tank I look at every day at the request of a few different people. The office I work in is an old Packard dealership and has exposed bricks walls and beautiful unfinished wood floors. The middle of the office has a large atrium with lots of light and trees and bushes everywhere.

I'm finishing painting the house this weekend and then I'll send pics next week. Justin left for vacation without mowing my lawn, so it looks like I might have to do it myself...trouble :).

The Big Move

2008-05-11T22:06:00.001-06:00

I've been in Missoula about about a week and a half and I thought a blog would be the best way to update all the people I love on life in the Garden City.

Things have been pretty hectic, but I'm finally starting to feel settled. I arrived two Sundays ago and moved into my new house the next morning. The movers, who weren't supposed to be in Missoula with my things until May 9th, showed up at 8am Monday morning. There I was, planning to sleep on the floor with no furniture or dishes (not to mention my extensive and very necessary shoe collection), and all of a sudden the house was packed with 50+ boxes and disassembled beds and tables. Paige, Justin and our friend Joe were all very helpful and we got most of the boxes unpacked and things put together in a few days. In the process, we filled three huge mattress bags as tall as Paige and me with paper and trash. These bags and boxes sat in the front yard for several days, making my neighbors question just what kind of trashy (pun not intended) person had moved in next door.

Last Thursday I started my new job at Spiker Communications and have been slowly getting the hang of things and learning about our clients. Our clients are pretty exciting affluent resorts and developments and I'm looking forward to making some trips to see the sites later this summer.

My parents and their puppy, Tony Bennett, came to visit last weekend and help me paint the inside of my new house. We had a great weekend with beautiful weather. We rode bikes, went to the farmers market and ventured out to the annual Missoula BrewFest. We didn't get a ton of painting done, but it was so nice no one wanted to stay inside. Not very exciting updates, but I'm sure I'll have more once I'm here a bit longer.

For those of you who want/need a Jackson update, he is doing quite well. He is adjusting to not spending every day with Grandma, but I take him to work with me a few times a week and have signed him up for "Doggie Hikes." They come pick him up, but him on the doggie bus and cart them up to the hills for a three hour hike. As for coming into the office, everyone loves him except the other office dog, Wrangler (FYI, everyone here names their dog something similar to that: Wrangler, Wyatt, Austin, Houston, Rodeo, Carhartt, Big Sky. It's ridiculous. Maybe I should tell people I named him Jackson for Jackson Hole or something...). Wrangler stays away from him so Jackson has started following Wes Spiker and his son Jared around the office hoping they'll play with him like Grandpa used to do. Wes has taken quite a liking to him, which bodes well for me (yes, I'm using my dog for professional advancement).

Justin is graduatin from the U this weekend, so I'm sure I'll update again soon... Love, Lizzie