Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Dry Weddings

As my cousin so eloquently put it, there are some things that just shouldn't be dry, including weddings, first dates and pool parties. Truer words were never spoken.

This last weekend was spent in my parent’s hometown of Condon, OR, to attend my cousin Earl’s wedding. His wedding with no booze. That’s right, a dry wedding. I truly believe there is alcohol at weddings for a reason and this one was no exception. Because there were enough little nuggets of goodness to fill four blog posts, I will try to point out just the big highlights:

1. The bridesmaid dresses were forest green with lace shawls. They were all wearing black cowboy boots with them
2. The woman playing the organ had the piano skills of a three year old
3. A woman got up in the middle of the ceremony and surprised the couple with her own rendition of "A Moment Like This," by Kelly Clarkson
4. When they kissed, motorcycle revving was playing in the background
5. They walked out to "International Harvester"
6. The bouquets were made out of wheat from our family wheat farm
7. They drove away in a combine
8. I broke a plastic chair and fell on my ass when SURROUNDED by people over 300 pounds. Of course it's my chair to go...

And there so much more, like a spam carving contest and old ladies letting people sign their boobs and me passing out in the car and my parents leaving me there. Really, just a quality, quality weekend.

And yes, all of that really happened. I’m still in awe.

8 comments:

Jess said...

Please tell me there are pictures to go along with this!

peterdewolf said...

If I had a nickel for every time I've interrupted a wedding to sing a Kelly Clarkson song...

Rebekah said...

Was Ashton Kutcher filming the whole thing? "That wasn't a real wedding! You're not married!"

Elissa said...

How did you manage to pass out at a dry wedding? I hope flasks were involved.

Lily said...

OH my god. First of all, weddings should NOT be dry. You're right on that. Second - Kelly Clarkson should NOT be covered. Have the subsequent seasons of American Idol auditions taught us nothing?

EP said...

I know I'm completely late on this, but I'm with you on dry weddings.

Nonetheless, it sounds like this one was interesting...

Mandy said...

Just wow, Lizzie. Glad you are back!

Riff Dog said...

Yeah, I know I'm late to this post, but it really did crack me up. Spam carving and boob signings are the sure way to tell you're at a classy event. Whether there's alcohol or not! ;-)