Friday, August 29, 2008

Hooters is Awesome

Anyone who knows me knows about my obsession with boobs. All the women on both sides of my family have big boobs and somehow I just got skipped. Kim got skipped, too, but not as bad as me. I find this joke of nature to be cruel and unfair. To deal with my feelings of hurt and abandonment by the Boob Fairy, I have surrounded myself with well-endowed friends, given Victoria's Secret thousands of dollars in exchange for a little padding (BTW - I got measured at VS and they told me I'm a 34D. Victoria's Secret, you do know the way to a small-chested girl's heart, but I have eyes, VS! I have eyes.), and, most recently, developed a deep love for the greatest restaurant of all time, Hooters.

Hooters just opened in Missoula and, like when any new restaurant opens in Missoula, people FREAKED OUT. It's packed all the time and you see guys running around in Hooters shirts all over town. So last night, Paige, Justin, Ken and I decide to go check it out. Now, many people - namely large-chested women - find Hooters to be offensive and say it objectifies women. I say that's nonsense. I occasionally get caught in that "OMG I was awkwardly staring at your boobs for too long. Sorrrrryyyy" moment and Hooters completely eliminates that moment. You're SUPPOSED to awkwardly stare. It truly combines everything I love: boobs, shiny nylons that hide cellulite, all kinds of fried food, synchronized dancing and singing, hula-hooping, white scrunch socks and booze. What's NOT to love here?!?

So, other than mild disappoinment over the fact that not all the girls had big boobs (Ken reminded me to look at the pool they're pulling from. "We're not in LA, Reno or Vegas, Lizzie.") last night was just pretty awesome. I was dancing along to the YMCA dance, I ate some fried pickles (meh), had two Bud Light Big Daddies and beat the Hooters girl at Hula-Hooping. Apparently, all the Hooters in Portland have closed. I might never come home.

6 comments:

Katie said...

Silky & I went to a Hooters for a school project of hers. Yes, a school project. Let me just say that it's very awkward to go to this establishment w/o any guys accompanying you. I think they thought we were a couple.

BTW: I hate this place-even the nachos suck! How do you make nachos that suck? I don't get it.

Lizzie Bennett said...

They're not fried enough, Katie. To make things good, they must deep fry them and serve them with a side of ranch. Heyyyyyy heart attack.

The Quintessential Life Experience said...

I mean really who doesn't love scrunchy socks and scrunchy hair to match? However, despite all evidence to the contrary, I'm not much of a hooters fan. It's kind of a long story but the bottom line is I went to Hooters in Southern California expecting to see the best of the best (as your friend astutely pointed out, they had a solid talent pool to draw from). Unfortunately my waitress might have had more in those bright orange shorts than she let on as I SWEAR I was being served by RuPaul - all 6'4" of him calling me Baybay, and Sugar just made their crappy wings taste extra crappy.

Alyson said...

I've never been, and never planned on going, but now I feel like I'm missing out on a huge life experience. Plus I love to hula hoop. And I'm good. Lizzie we could challenge them--winner gets endless chicken strips.

Brittany said...

Big boobs AND chicken wings = best place ever!

Emily said...

Yes...Katie accompanied me for my school project. It was a little awkward and I have decided any establishment that has to take pictures of what their food looks like and place it on the menu probably sucks. The chos were the worst ever! Their outfits are also hideous. I am sorry you are alone on this one;-)